10 Ways to Help a Bullied Teen

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Your teen doesn't have to face a bully alone. Here are some ways you can help him cope

By Ivana Pejakovic

With school back in session, it’s time to think about problems your teen may encounter — and unfortunately, that sometimes includes bullying. While school is not the only place where bullying occurs, it is one of the most common sites. Most kids are lucky enough to avoid chronic bullying; however, a few kids are known to be repeat and easy targets. This leaves saddened parents wondering what they can do to help their teens in this school year.

Shake off those feelings of powerlessness, because there’s actually plenty you can do to help your bullied child. You can provide practical supports (sharing tips to help kids handle bullying situations) as well as psychological support (helping to repair any damage that may have been done to their emotional well-being).

Psychological Support

1. Believe your child, don’t downplay the situation. “Oh, I am sure it’s not that bad. Jimmy was just kidding.” Downplaying the situation and your children’s emotions is hurtful. It invalidates their feelings leading to reduced trust in you, decreased self-worth and increased feelings of depression and fear.

2. Be calm. Support your child with a composed attitude. Teach your child to handle situations with effective problem-solving skills, not anger or panic. Because bullying is demoralizing, boost your child’s self-worth through by praising them for a special talent and giving lots of hugs and high-fives.

3. Ensure action. Assure your child that something can and will be done and stress the fact that you are on the same team working to solve this problem together.

4. Talk about it. Encourage your teen to speak about the bullying. Sharing concerns will keep him/her from bottling up the emotions and will stave off feelings of shame and anxiety.

5. Seek professional help. Aggressive and long-lasting bullying can result in psychological harm, including reduced self-esteem. If you are unsure of how you can help your child cope with such feelings, it is a good idea to get professional help. Life coaches, therapists and support groups can provide you and your child with tips on overcoming this challenge.

Practical Support

6. Reinforce values. The situation ought to be handled in a way that will not only deal with the bullying but will also make your child emotionally comfortable and proud. Encourage your child to stick to his/her value system when dealing with all life challenges.

7. Offer bully-proofing techniques. Find out what your child is facing and discuss appropriate alternatives to handling that situation, for example walking to and from school with friends or having comebacks prepared.

8. Role play. It may seem silly, but role-playing is a great way to practice anti-bullying techniques and will give your teen the courage to use them, when needed.

9. Report it! Depending on the severity of the situation, your child may be best off if it is reported at school or to the authorities. This way your teen will learn that it is OK to ask for help.

10. Educate your teen about cyber-bullying. With cyber-bullying on the rise, it is easier for bullies to anonymously target any victim. The Internet makes it easy to send or post nasty and derogatory messages about the victim on public message boards. The intent, of course, is to publicly shame the victim. Any type of repeated online activity that makes your teen uncomfortable can be considered cyber-bullying. The key is to save messages but not retaliate. Once the bully is identified, your teen can approach him/her in person and ask the bully to stop. If approaching the bully is not an option or if the behaviour persists, involve the school or authorities.

Ivana Pejakovic works as a life coach in Toronto.