Both Sides Now

By Mélissa Cowl

I don't remember when the thought of Doulas happened for me. It may have been just before the birth of our third baby. We considered having a friend with us for the birth to attend to both of our needs. To say that my husband was traumatized by our first two birth experiences is probably not strong enough. Thus, we came to the conclusion that we would like to have someone there that would take care of both of us. I had never heard of Doulas then, but boy, did we need one!

We had switched doctors and facilities for this birth. One of the philosophies of this Birth Centre was that you have the care of your nurses throughout labour; the member of the team that is called in for your birth remains with you until the baby is born, so we didn't 'need' our friend. With this baby we finally had a good, positive birth experience. When I became pregnant with our fourth child we went back to the birth centre and felt we did really well and that we were well looked after.

Just after our fourth baby was born, I became a member of the obstetrical advisory committee at the hospital. The first time I had ever heard the term "Doula' and "Labour Support Person" was at one of these meetings when it was announced that the hospital would hold classes training women to become Doulas. I attended the classes with our newborn fourth baby in tow. At that point in my life, I believe I took the course because birth had fascinated me since I was twelve years old, a sure sign of a birth junkie. The first birth I attended was difficult for me emotionally; the baby was in distress and was born by emergency c-section. The nurse told me if I hadn't brought the mother to the hospital - there may not have been a baby. It was a lot of responsibility and a lot to think about for a new Doula. I have had the honour of attending many births since then and I have always felt it was a privilege to be included as part of the birth team. Only now, after the birth of our fifth baby do I realize that being on the receiving end of Doula care is truly awesome.

Our first baby was born by Cesarean and our second was a brutal forceps birth. My husband, Chris, was never comfortable with the idea of home birth. He had a lot of 'what ifs' which was understandable considering his first two birth experiences. I, on the other hand, had different plans. When I became pregnant with our fifth child I was very hopeful that this birth could be done at home. I called the midwives before my pregnancy had been confirmed, just to make sure they would take me on. I began explaining the midwifery philosophy to Chris. After meeting the midwives and exploring the 'what ifs' with them, Chris felt a little more at ease and, definitely, more comfortable with having this baby at home. We planned on having something small and intimate - the two midwives, the four kids and someone who would look after them. Chris and I had discussed having a Doula many times. Although he was supportive of my work, he was insulted that I could even consider having a Doula. Doulas were for other people. "We did work very well together for the births of our third and fourth babies, didn't we? And wasn't he enough? Wasn't his help good enough? What on earth did we need a Doula for? Didn't I believe that he could look after my needs? And afterall, we would have the midwives with us for labour, birth and a few hours post partum." We left the topic open and undecided.

In December, I told one of my fellow Doulas that I was pregnant. Melinda's first response was - "Can I come? Your birth would be great for my course!". Without hesitation I said "Sure! The more, the merrier!". I wasn't sure how to break this to Chris, though. He was finally getting used to the idea of homebirth, he was finally comfortable with the midwives and now there was a Doula. We talked it over, and over and over again. I really don't think he quite understood my need to have a Doula but he went along with it - he is a good sport! I really believed that we needed someone there to reassure him that things were progressing, as they should. He always looked worried and scared when I was in labour. So, finally he agreed - we would have a Doula!

One week later, I told my Doula trainer (and friend) that I was pregnant. She wondered if we were having the baby at home - she knew that I would want to. When I said that we were most definitely planning a homebirth, she asked if she could come. I was thrilled that she would want to and welcomed her into our birth plans. The more the merrier, you know! Now, I had to go back to Chris - again. I explained to Chris how honoured I was to have Lynne ask if she could be there and that I really wanted her with us. I hadn't wanted to ask her to be my Doula because I felt she might feel obliged to come, as I was one of her trainees. It was important to me to have her there. We were up to twelve people.

About one month before our baby was born, the midwives asked us if it would be okay with us to have their student midwife, who was also, yes - a Doula, attend our birth. I think that adage 'the more the merrier' was wearing thin for Chris. We are at capacity, 13 for the birth of our baby. I think Chris was beginning to think he should sell tickets to this 'estrogen party'!

Finally, the night arrives, my water breaks (in a restaurant), and we call the Midwives, the Doulas, and our friends who will be looking after the children. Everyone begins arriving at our house just after nine o'clock in the evening. I am one week overdue and in very early labour. We all chat for a while and the midwife puts us to bed to get a bit of rest before the birth. The kids are tucked into their beds, the midwife is on the couch downstairs, the student is upstairs on the couch, and our friends who will look after the kids are in my daughter's bed. The Doulas are on the pullout bed laughing and talking!

Just after midnight, labour started. The Doulas and the Midwife were in our bedroom before we blinked. They anticipated every move - got me in and out of the tub, suggested position changes and were a constant source of empowerment and encouragement. They thought of what both Chris and I wanted and needed before we even knew we needed it. During transition, Lynne was always ready with a cool cloth, a drink and praise; and, Melinda's physical support and gentle coaching was beyond valuable. Chris trusted his instincts and was able to help me relax completely between contractions with his touch. He was confident, at-ease and relaxed. I never saw the fear and trepidation in Chris that was so prevalent in all of our other birth experiences together.

Melinda said that it felt like Christmas - everyone joyous and anticipating the arrival of something or someone special. This is truly how each woman should experience birth. Our baby "slipped out of the dark quiet where suddenly she could hear .... a circle of people singing with voices familiar and clear." . Chris was able to move down to catch his baby because I had the support I needed, my Doulas. Every picture we have of our newborn daughter has Chris' arms around his baby, thanks to his Doulas and his Midwives.

A few weeks after our baby was born Chris said to me that if birth could be called 'fun' - this one was. He can't imagine birth without a Midwife or a Doula.

I still believe it is a privilege for me to attend births as a Doula but now I also know that it is truly extraordinary to be on the receiving end of the care of Doulas. Originally I thought I became a Doula for me - I still am that birth junkie - but now I know I became a Doula for Chris; and, for all the other Dads who feel powerless to help their partners through the pains of childbirth.