Building Self Esteem in our Children

By Marie-Helen Goyetche

Self-esteem is so important without it, your inner self is not worth much. Learning to like yourself starts off when you're a child and that emotion needs constant feeding. This emotion follows you around like a shadow. Some days the sun shines bright and the shadow is big and strong. During these days you can face the whole world. Other times it rains and the shadow is gone. You then have a hard time looking at yourself in the mirror and you don't feel so good about yourself.

When your child is in a difficult situation or a new place they too must rely on their inner feelings of confidence. It's our role as parents and educators to help children find this inner feeling and believe in themselves. We should encourage and build positive self-esteems in all young children. We can help foster children's self-esteem in little doses at any given moment of the day. The opportunities are endless. Here are a few daily examples

CHOICES

As soon as they can express preferences, you can give young children choices. For example you can decide that your child will wear a long sleeve sweater but she can decide for herself if she wants to wear the green or the blue one. Children feel good about deciding events or situations by themselves. They feel grown-up and they feel important that they have a say in things. Other examples you can try on a daily basis is; what to drink, which book for story time, what do they want to play with. As your child gets older more choices become apparent. Always make sure that you give choices that you have approved beforehand and can deal with either choice that the child decides on. It's a good idea to limit yourself to 2-3 choices to avoid any confusion.

EMOTIONS

Let your child express his emotions, even if you don't understand them, or they don't seem justified to you. Be there for your child and tell your child that you acknowledge their feelings. Try never to belittle a child, never tell them that they're over reacting. Children just as adults don't have buttons to control the emotion and its' intensity. They are learning to deal with them and chances are they probably don't understand. They need your support.

LABELS

It is important not to use labels on your child. Words such as stupid, crazy, loony, lazy,... can and do hurt. It might start off as a joke but in jokes often lye a hint of truth. And with time these "jokes" are said at the expense of someone's feelings. These labels take a long time to heal. Rather than labelling, tell your child "I LOVE YOU". Give them a hug and a kiss at least once at the beginning of the day to start the day right and at night to secure them for the night. Try not to reserve the "I LOVE YOU" only when they've done something good but use it at any moment of the day. Show them the unconditional love you have for them. When they misbehave, it's okay to tell them that you don't like their behaviour. It's the fact that they are noisy, a pain,...that you don't approve not them as an individual.

ACTIVITIES

Register your child in different activities for example sports, music, arts,... Not only will they be learning a new skill but they'll discover which activities they like or don't like. They'll find some that they are good at, not so good at and that they are terrible at. All have significant influence on the child, but again show your support and respect the child's ideas. It's not a good idea to put pressure on the child based on your expectations. You just might defeat the purpose. Your main goal is self-esteem not turning your child in to a hockey star or famous artist.

On the occasion tell your child stories of the pregnancy (the waiting), the child's birth and other stories that happened when the child was younger. Children love to hear stories of themselves especially those when they were so small and helpless and now they can do so much more. They enjoy hearing about themselves under the spotlight. It gives them a feeling of self-worth, and with this self-worth comes learning to like yourself and positive self-esteem.