Combating Stress During the Holiday Season

Top 10 tips for dealing with holiday stress

By Dr. Michal Regev

‘Tis the season to be jolly’ says one Christmas song and, indeed, there is lots to be jolly and grateful about when it comes to the holiday season: beautiful decorations and lights, people greet each other warmly, families and friends get together and many get into the spirit of the holiday. But the holiday season may also bring added stress, anxiety and even depression to many.

The definition of emotional stress is a feeling of tension stemming from a subjective perception that the demands of a situation or a period exceed the resources that the person has in order to cope well.  During the holiday season, it is not uncommon for many people to feel this type of emotional stress, tension and inability to cope with the demands around them.

The main areas of stress during the holiday season are:

Obligations and responsibilities. Stress may be brought on when you feel that your obligations and responsibilities are too much for you to handle. For example, a woman who is hosting a Christmas dinner for her family and friends may feel stressed out because she perceives the tasks involved in such a project as highly demanding on her time and energy and more than she can cope with. At the same time she may believe she is obliged to host that gathering anyway. Another example is a person who is caring for young children while having to shop for gifts, wrap each one of them and write greeting cards for family and friends who are likely to give them gifts while they meet in holiday gatherings

Relationships. Every one of us has people they like to spend time with more than with others. During the holiday season, however, many of us are expected to participate in large gatherings where we are likely to find ourselves spending time or at least sharing the same space with people we do not necessarily like or choose to be around. It may be an aunt who is always very critical of you, a family member who is cynical or tends to be obnoxious, especially after consuming alcohol or that co-worker that you don’t get along with and don’t really want to be around. Another relationship-related stress may arise when there is a difference of opinion between you and your partner as to how much time you are going to spend with your respective extended families.

Financial. The holidays tend to be expensive; whether you are hosting, going home or going on a holiday somewhere sunny, you are likely to spend more money than usual. This may increase your level of stress especially if you are already struggling.

Unrealistic expectations. We all want the holiday season to be wonderful but expecting perfection inevitably leads to disappointment and stress. When a person perceives it is their responsibility to make the holiday perfect and then realizes it is a mission impossible they are likely to feel stressed out and even depressed. If someone else spoiled the holiday for them and others they may feel angry, which is always an unwanted feeling but especially so during the time of the holidays. That, in turn, may lead to feelings of stress and a sense of a let down.

Loneliness. Many people live alone and have few friends or family to socialize with. These people may get lonely from time to time but tend to feel a greater sense of loneliness at a time when they know that most people have somewhere to go or someone to invite to celebrate the holidays with. An intensified sense of loneliness is likely to increase feelings of depression and stress.

Top 10 Tips for stress management during the holiday season:

1. Expect imperfection. Nobody (and nothing) is perfect. That is such a true cliché! So don’t set yourself up for a let down by expecting the holidays to be perfect. While it is a good idea to learn from past mistakes and avoid known pitfalls (like inviting that obnoxious older friend who hits on 14 year old girls), there are always going to be things beyond your control that may go wrong. The holidays can be wonderful without being perfect.

2. Plan ahead. Whether you are hosting, visiting others, going away or all of the above, you have to plan ahead. Make lists of things you need to do. For example, if you are going outside of Canada check that everyone has a valid passport well ahead of time. If you need to shop for lots of gifts plan to go somewhere where there is a wide selection of goods so you can maximize your time and energy. Limit your shopping time as it can be exhausting and you may end up feeling physically and emotionally drained. Try avoiding taking kids shopping with you as they are likely to distract you and make shopping a lot longer and more expensive than it needs to be. If it’s important to you that your kids participate in holiday shopping take them once when you are going for a limited time and focus on gifts for kids, like young cousins and friends. If you are hosting a party or a dinner it is very important to plan ahead and to pace yourself.

3. Delegate. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Give other people some responsibilities and a chance to help. If you make the best stuffed turkey in the world then go ahead and make it. But other people can make other things. Learn to accept that, while other people may not do things as perfectly as you do, they are capable of doing some things well enough. If you can accept that good is good enough and that everything doesn’t have to be perfect then you’d be able to delegate to others and to make your life more manageable.

4. Avoid “emotional shopping.” People tend to go overboard with holiday expenses when they let their feelings guide them when shopping. For example, if you’re very excited about going back home for the holidays and seeing people you love and miss you may spend more than you can afford to. Another time when you are at risk for spending too much is when you are exhausted. It is a well-known fact that people tend to spend more than they had planned at the end of a shopping day just because they’re exhausted and want to be done shopping. Make a list before you head out and try to stick to it. Also, plan a few shopping trips if you can to avoid exhaustion and overspending. If you decide on a budget ahead of time and stick to it you’ll save yourself a significant amount of stress later on. Buying modest gifts and being creative about menus to cut back cost is more acceptable to everyone now that we have gone through a worldwide financial crisis. You may also wish to discuss spending limits with family and friends you are going to reciprocate gifts with.

5.    Balance activities with some down time. The key word is BALANCE. If you sit around and do nothing for a long time you’ll get bored and may feel down. If kids sit around and do nothing they are likely to get cranky or hyper and drive everyone crazy. So plan lots of activities but remember to also plan for some down time because people in general and kids in particular, tend to get wired if they’re doing too much without taking breaks.

6. Plan together with your partner. If you have a partner plan the holidays together with them. Partners may have different preferences and traditions when it comes to the holidays. It is important to share expectations and wishes with your partner in order to avoid hard feelings and conflict during and after the holidays. For example, your partner may be dreading spending a whole week with your parents and siblings. If that’s the plan for the holidays talk to them about ways to make them more comfortable. Negotiate and don’t take anything for granted. Listen with intent and be open to compromise.

7. Take care of your body and mind. When your schedule is filled with shopping, cleaning, cooking, decorating, etc., you may forget to take care of yourself. But if you stop exercising, don’t have enough sleep or don’t take time to relax, you are likely to feel drained and worn out by the time the holidays are here. So take care of your body by exercising, taking your vitamins and eating healthfully (at least most of the time) and take care of your mind by practicing deep, abdominal breathing, meditating or just listening to relaxing music.

8. Do something nice for yourself. During the holidays we tend to focus on others. But between food preparation, home decoration, gift wrapping and card writing, remember to plan something special for yourself. Schedule a massage, meet up with a friend somewhere where you are being served or pampered or spoil yourself with a gift that you’ve been wanting for a while. After all, it’s your holidays too.

9. Talk to someone you trust. It is now a well established scientific fact that venting helps us feel better. When you talk to someone who makes you feel heard and understood your brain increases the secretion of “feel good” neurotransmitters that make you feel better. So if you’re feeling stressed out go ahead and complain to someone you feel safe talking to. Even though they are unlikely to solve your actual problem, just talking to them might relieve some of your burden.

10. Laugh and have fun! Laughter is a great mood enhancer and stress buster. When you laugh your brain releases endorphins, which help boost your mood, ease pain and expand your arteries. Laughter also strengthens the immune system, something which is especially invaluable during the winter months when many people are crammed into the same space. So make sure to plan some fun and funny activities, such as playing charades, watching a funny movie, playing fun games, telling jokes or just goofing around.