Couvade Syndrome |
Pregnant Dads
I remember my first pregnancy all too well. From the moment of conception I went through a series of problems, some minor some serious. I was one of the lucky ones not to have experienced severe morning sickness, mood swings, constipation, leg cramps and until late in my pregnancy my weight gain was appropriate for an expecting mother. I wish I could say the same for my husband. For the first part of my pregnancy he seemed to be the one who had all the symptoms of being pregnant; cravings, not feeling well, weight gain, and he had the occasional mood swing. At the time I thought maybe he was not well, but after seeing his doctor it was confirmed he was healthy. A little while later I stumbled across some information on Couvade Syndrome. While my husband didn't mimic the average case, it seemed to answer the question of why he was feeling "pregnant".
Couvade, from the French couver meaning: to hatch is known to affect somewhere between 10% to 65% of expectant fathers (depending on the study you read), and while the symptoms can occur at anytime, most appear in the third month and again at delivery. The symptoms mimic all of the normal symptoms of pregnancy ~ mood swings, fatigue, dizziness, leg cramps, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, and cravings.
Originally, the term couvade described the rare practice by males in isolated primitive communities of simulating the maternal condition during childbirth. The men would grunt, groan and puff in nearby huts as their wives gave birth. Today's version has changed somewhat with the introduction of men into the delivery room and their full involvement in the pregnancy from start to end.
The attempts to explain couvade have been numerous. The need to identify with the pregnant wife, the feeling of jealousy, fear of bringing a child into the world, overall stress of being a partner to a woman who is experiencing mood swings, a changing body and in some cases an aversion to sexual intercourse.
Getting to the route of the underlying cause can help to put things back to normal and to reduce or eliminate the syndrome completely.
- The feelings of jealousy can be relieved by becoming more involved in the wives pregnancy, enjoying it with her, not watching her enjoy the pending arrival of your child.
- Fear of becoming a father, the emotional, physical, and financial can be eliminated by reading about fatherhood, talking to other fathers (there are few who would not say it is the most rewarding experience you will ever have), and taking a class on parenting. Learn about bathing, feeding, changing and soothing your baby.
- If you are concerned about money you may want to sit down with a budget and work your little bundle of joy into your everyday spending and savings. Preparing in advance can help to reduce the stress.
- If your wife has an aversion to sex you may want to take some time to assure her that her changing body is still attractive to you. Prepare a romantic dinner for the two of you, and spend some quality time together.
- If you wife has been advised to refrain from sex for medical reasons you should talk to the doctor about what her body can experience. If intercourse is out you may still be able to pleasure each other in other ways.
- If you can't find the reason for having couvade syndrome it is a good idea to talk about your feelings and fears, this may help to lessen some of the symptoms so you can enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.
I would have to say that husbands who are affected by Couvade Syndrome and work through it are in many ways more connected with their expecting wives. They in some way can relate to how she is feeling and in the end are more sympathetic to her and her needs. Lucky for me my husband has always had the ability to understand, he went through our entire pregnancy saying "Don't get mad, its the pregnancy! It will all be over soon!"
