Creating a Harmonious and Nurturing Home

Four Ways to Strengthen Your Family

By Janet Levine

Personality matters in all areas of our lives; no area is more significant than our relationships with our loved ones, especially our children. Our effectiveness as parents is greatly enhanced when we learn about and understand our personality. We can learn of our qualities and gifts, and apply them positively. Also of what makes us imprudent and negative, and how not to be so reactive. This understanding goes a long way help us create more harmonious and nurturing homes. It is extremely helpful to know what motivates your desires, as well as what motivates others.
Knowing the behavior patterns that drive your personality may help you know why you are reacting as you do, and why others are reacting to you. In turn this information can help you manage more effectively your own internal balance and that of the family's.

How to use your gifts with your infants or toddler

Your baby has arrived. You feel unconditional love as this new person in your life opens your heart to emotions you've never experienced before. But you are also aware of anxiety at the major lifelong responsibility you've undertaken. Personalities respond differently to both relaxing into the joy of unconditional love, and coping with the stress of responsibility for another life. When you are aware of what is motivating your behavior, it is easier to return to center, to a balanced sense of self. This is good for you and your baby.

Let's look at personality style called the Moralizer. This E-type is conscientious and moral, honest and idealistic. Moralizers focus on doing the right thing and avoiding error, this can lead to procrastination and a lack of spontaneity. But they can be a true moral compasses for their children; they teach by example, and take on many causes. They help their children strive for excellence. Tending to infants and toddlers is often filled with tension because Moralizers have an over-developed sense of responsibility.

What Moralizers need to understand in order to create more harmonious homes is that you are self-critical, yet can be idealistic, moral and inspiring parents. The ethical messages you try to teach your little ones and important and worthy. They are individuals too, so tailor the message according to their differing personalities. Trust your instincts in sharing your gift.

How to become a motivator with your children

How do you become a motivator, especially one that nurtures your child's positive inner growth and resiliency? When you become aware of your personality and understand what motivates you and why you behave the way you do, usually greater compassion for yourself arises. From this new perspective you see your child with different eyes. "Maybe, you think, "he always reacts in that way because I'm always coming at him in this way." You can change your behavior, to a large degree by getting yourself out of the way and respecting the fact that your child may be a different personality from you and be a better motivator (facilitator) of your child's development.

Let's look at a personality style called the Organizer. This E-type is self-assured, competent, and efficient, an accomplished team-builder driven to achieve "success". Organizers avoid failure. They focus on results and are task-oriented. Image-conscious they often deceive themselves and others, and can suspend experiencing emotions. Children can feel they are a 'widget' as the Organizer parent manufactures the picture-perfect family. Organizers need to tell their children that they love them. Their positive energy is enlivening and infectious.

What Organizers need to understand in order to create more harmonious homes is to operate sometimes at your child's pace. Stop and consider the consequences of your relentless forward momentum. Your child can and will function without you. Accommodate to others; alternative ways of doing something are as valid as your own.

How to organize the spaces in your home

Stately, formal, casual, or relaxed: whatever way you set up the spaces for your family it makes a statement about you. Your home is a sanctuary where the family can relax in a balanced and harmonious environment. This is the ideal many of us strive for, but often reality is at odds with this picture. Your spouse or parenting partner has a different dynamic in mind, and your children as they grow older resent your restrictions. Remember when you were their age? Understand that they are not challenging your authority; they are trying to express their own inner sense of organizational harmony.

Let's look at a personality style called the Observer. This E-type is private, measured, logical, and an intellectual seeker. Observers avoid emotional attachment. They focus on gaining knowledge as a way of making sense of the world. Observers can be retracted, overly self-controlled, detached from their emotions. Predictability means safety, no surprises please. Their steadiness in crises is a valuable asset to their parenting.

What Organizers need to understand in order to create more harmonious homes is that you are minimalist by nature and can live in small, sparse spaces. You value privacy highly. You tend to observe other families and see what spaces work for them, and then you can create a similar atmosphere for your family. It's not that you dislike comfort and beautiful rooms, but you can easily do without them. Engage your family (especially the teenagers) in a discussion about how they want the home to feel. Learn to trust your gut feelings about this and other family issues.

How to facilitate positive personal development with your older teen

Your child is a senior in high school, or in college, or even through college. She is curious and questions you earnestly about your beliefs. Once you know your own E-type this is a wonderful study to share with your older children. Knowing their E-type offers them the choice for proactive, rather than reactive, behavior, and the opportunity to cease going on automatic without realizing what one is doing. Working together to assimilate this information gradually can bring you and your child closer in understanding. It can nourish your parenting and (your and your child's) relational wisdom.

Let's look at a personality style called the Protector. This E-type is confidant, powerful, a take-charge leader, honest, direct, and protective of "turf" and those who fall within their ambit; their family is well protected. Protectors hate being dependent and avoid vulnerability. They can live "go-for-broke" excessive life styles. Their confrontational style can skew family dynamics for those of their children who are among the personality types that don't do well with conflict. They are empowering parents, and use their personal force on behalf of their children.

What Protectors need to understand in order to create more harmonious homes is to become aware when your habitual patterning of excess "too much" living is operating in your mind: too much energy, too much drive, too much powering through to cope with all life throws at you, step back, and breathe. Try to develop a feeling of trust that there is enough: sufficient energy, drive and power in those around you, so you don't have to provide this force for everyone. Trusting sufficiency goes hand-in-hand with allowing yourself to feel vulnerable. It is hard for you to trust sufficiency, but the more you do, you'll be surprised how others (especially your children) will come towards you with their love, energy and drive.