Dealing With Introversion and Extraversion |
"Let me talk it out " vs "I'll get back to you."
The yellow bus rolls away from the curb and you brace yourself for the impact against the kitchen door all the while aware of the steadily growing cacophony of shouts, squeals and conversation. The barrage of words, experiences and ideas can only be punctuated by your nod and abbreviated responses of "Really?...You don't say?....Uh-huh.." until the sound of your offspring's voice begins to fade as he/she wanders to the next room or back outdoors. Two doors down the block the bus has delivered another child whose quick skip has an equal impact on the door but the responses to your questions about the day and its experiences are laconic : " It was O.K.....I guess.....Maybe.."
The number of parents who have been equally frustrated by both reactions is growing not because there is anything necessarily wrong with the children, but because there is a misunderstanding of how the child needs to communicate his/her experiences. The behaviours described above are somewhat exaggerated to illustrate the types of behaviours that can be exhibited by children who have a preference for extraversion and for introversion in their way of interacting with the world. The extraverted type tends to process information outside of themselves. As one of my students put it, " I need to hear myself say something before I can communicate it." The introverted type, however, needs to process the information internally, and that may take the time needed for a pause or an hour or so. The implication that extraverts are talkative is misleading. In my experience as a classroom teacher, the introverted types can be equally talkative once they have had the time to interiorize and reflect on their experiences. So, don't be surprised if the child who arrives home with few words about the day dominates the conversation at the supper table or during your after supper walk with the dog ! Check out your own preference as an adult.
Do you prefer to "de-brief" as soon as you hit the front door or do you need the "space" and time to sort the day's events out before you communicate with your spouse ? The children have the same needs at their own level. So how does a parent respect their child's type preference at this level and, conversely, how do you teach a child to respect your type preference ? A simple suggestion comes from understanding that extraverts are energized by interaction with others while introverted types tend to be drained by sustained interaction : discuss the events that are coming up ahead of time. As a family, check out whether or not there is enough time for each member to be appropriately energized during that time according to their type preference. Children tend to be far more understanding and respecting of decisions made when they have some input and see their own needs addressed. After all, even extraverts need some "down time"!
Back to the school bus. Do introversion and extraversion have an impact on how your child learns? You bet ! Think of your child in the same room as thirty-one other extraverts and introverts ! Now imagine a lesson being taught!!
© Bernadette Homerski, all rights reserved
