Families in Chaos: Parenting a Child with O.D.D. |
(O.D.D - Oppositional Defiant Disorder)
1. Life With The O.D.D. Child
If you find that destiny has placed such a child in your care … to love - to raise and to nurture… gird your loins for the battle of your life. Godzilla Vs King Kong was a walk in the park, compared to what this will require of you. Prepare to receive opposition from everywhere ... opposition that [incredibly] may dwarf even that which your child dispenses.
Your adversaries will be plentiful.
Why? Because O.D.D. kids disrupt classrooms, school buses, supermarkets, churches and Sunday schools, Grandma’s living room, Mr.Next-Door’s garden party, the baby-sitter’s telephone calls, the playground, the hockey rink, the swimming pool, day care facilities, the barber shop, the hospital ward, the ball room at McDonald’s, the restaurant, the playground, the movie theater, the bank, the doctors’ / dentists’ offices ….this is but a partial list … and need I say more?.
You may be asked [unpleasantly] to leave. Don’t expect understanding.
When others cannot control him? They will blame you for his misbehaviours.
When others find they can [temporarily] control him? They, too, will blame you for his reported misbehaviors.
And the child? Well , naturally, he blames you for his misbehaviours, too.
2. Be ever watchful for Co-morbidity
Comorbidity 2. [the development of additional illnesses and/or disorders] can make the condition of ODD, even more complicated and must be watched for and treated should they occur . [e.g.. depression, eating disorders, dyslexia]
3. Professional Family Counseling
The therapist has diagnosed your child . S/he has put you down [’way down] on a waiting list for family therapy. The good news is that you may not have to wait too long; that is because the bad news is that many [if not most] families with an ODD child, requesting family therapy, drop out of therapy in less than one year, too tired - too discouraged- too lacking in support at home and elsewhere - to frustrated to continue
Once you finally achieve the family therapy you’ve been longing for, you may find yourself included in the dropout list. PLEASE. As a family, you need to commit seriously to whole-family therapy as an essential support - soon matters will worsen and your own good health will begin to suffer.
To really remain comfortably in therapy, you must find the right therapist for your family. If the one you try first...or second ...or ninth is not right for you...don’t be shy. Shop around for just the perfect one who will meet your family’s particular needs. Otherwise, you are simply wasting precious time.
A parent of an ODD child can only do what all conscientious parents do - parent this kid the very best way s/he knows how.
Take hope, that although the quintessential “ how-to’s ” of managing the behaviors of the O.D.D. child are still not a known quantity; remember, research is ongoing and may produce a list, much more specific than this one- any day now. Keep up-to-date as wisdom grows.
The ODD Child’s Responses to the Methods of Behavioral Science.
Awesome nature has built all living creatures, from the roundworm to the rhinoceros, to respond similarly to success and failure - to pain and pleasure- to rewards and punishments.
Well - nearly all.
Unfortunately, many people with behavioral disorders seem unable to respond as predictably and effectively as those not afflicted, to the consequences arising from their unacceptable actions. For the rest of us, pleasant and painful contingencies are instrumental in shaping our actions and attitudes, and usually result, eventually, in our successful socialization.
Whatever the reason - rewards and punishments for good and bad behavior must be used with care and restraint when dealing with the ODD child.
It is not that they never work. Sometimes they do.
But certain rewards, in particular situations, are recognized by O.D.D. children as expressions of parents’ hopes; in other words, as their parents’ wishes that the rewarded behaviour will be repeated. Then- he may respond by opposing those wishes.
Similarly, because punishment reveals his caregiver’s disapproval of an action, your act of “punishment” may actually reward him, and cause him to repeat the unacceptable behavior, rather than eliminate it.
Dr.Sheldon sees this noncompliant attitude as something with which the child may even be born, and humorously envisions the following scene at the birth of the O.D.D. baby:
- O.D.D. baby clears birth canal;
- Obstetrician smacks baby’s little blue butt;
- O.D.D. baby retorts, “ I ain’t cryin’ an’ you can’t make me! ”
