Family Frolic in Paradise |
Now is the time to once again plan the annual family winter vacation. This is an event that we save up for all year; the chance to escape winter, and head south for some family fun in the sun. In order to make this a reality, we drive a car from the 80's that has insurance payments worth more than the vehicle itself... eat "meatless" 3 times per week ( and not because we are herbivors!) and raid the neighbourhood recycling bins for missed newspaper coupons! But, it is all worth it, as we are determined to provide our daughter with magical memories of fabulous family vacations and enjoy the precious moments left before the thought of travelling with her parents is as appealing as being bled by leeches.
The process begins by a visit to the travel agent, who provides you with countless brochures featuring scantily clad couples frolicking on sun- drentched beaches and sipping exotic cocktails at exclusive resorts. "Exclusive" is travel talk for "no way in this lifetime can the average person ever afford to even step foot in the lobby." We quickly narrow down the destination possibilities by weeding out those that encourage nude sunbathing, have adult disco night, and 5 star dining status. Everything with the word "family" in it is deemed as possibile for consideration.
The subsequent trip to book the fabulous family frolic,results in many ridiculous inquiries from the travel agent, such as,"For ow long would you like to go ?" This laughable question implies that we actually have a choice as to how long we can be in paradise. How long do we want to be away from the cruel grips of winter? Several weeks, months...ok permanently, but the sad reality is that even one week will probably force us to abandon any hope we have of ever buying a car from this decade, in this decade. After rationalizing that we do not have enough plasma in our body to sell, to get enough money for a two week break, we settle on the 7night/8day getaway package.
There is also a little trick involved in figuring out how much your vacation will actually cost, as the prices listed as"*starting at" in travel brochures, are slightly misleading. These bargains only apply if you are leaving the 3rd Wednesday of any month with 5 letters or less in it, on the eve of a full moon, when Saturn and Venus are aligned... So, the formula we have discovered, which takes all the mystery out of figuring out the actual price of the vacation, is to double any figure shown in print. This will take into account all those nasty little handling fees (ie.having your luggage thrown on, and kicked off, aircraft), airport taxes (walk down dirt road to terminal/grass hut, where livestock roams free,while person sitting behind folding table checks passports)and transfers (child much too young to not be out of school, carries baggage to "open-air" bus ie. no roof, who you, of course, tip extravagantly).
Packing is a very important element to the sucess of your vacation. We always take EVERY medical remedy, known to humankind, even for ailments we have never heard of. One never knows when iodine may be needed for a medical emergency! We must, of course, forget to take the basic remedies that we really do need, ie. white vinegar for sunburn and baby powder for easy sand removal from all body parts sand seems to migrate to. One must also be sure to pack 3x as many clothes as they will need. A little tip we have learned is that one does not need several fleece sweatsuits when traveling to a country where the mean temp. is +30 degrees Celcius. However, by day 3, the child will have worn every article of clothing packed, as she changes several times / day to ensure that all her favorite summer clothes get worn "before she grows out of them". Also, all items that get wet, will remain wet for the duration of vacation, and will be repacked wet to bring home.
Finally the big day arrives!!! It is an interesting phenomenon that every plane going to an exotic location ,leaves at the most ungodly hour of the a.m., and it is essential that we arrive at airport at least 2 hours before plane departure. We are sure this is a plot to punish those of us fortunate enough to go on vacation. The airline personal also do not seem to be overly friendly at 6 a.m.on a dark, -30 dgree C morning either. Again, perhaps this is because they have the pleasure of flying 5 hours to a gorgeous, hot destination, feel the humidity as passengers disembark, then turn around and return to the deep freeze.
A few things we have learned about the plane ride is that the special children's meal will never be consumed by the child, rather a grown-up will end up eating the spongy muffin-like substance with the raisin smiley face, while she chows down on adult ham and cheese omelette and hashbrowns. Also, the movie will NEVER be appropriate for family viewing. Even on a charter to Walt Disney World, the movie was a blood and gore fest called " The Asssassins". (Although a few glimpses of Antonio Banderras at 630 a.m. were quite welcome!) The child will have to use the bathroom no fewer than 6 times, simply because it is "cool". Adults find it not so "cool" to be standing in a very confined space with a child who's bladder is playing tricks on her. The enchantment of the plane ride always wears off about 1/2 hour before flight ends, and even though child was up before "day" had officially started, they are not tired enough to sleep on plane, but rather can play, on average ,300 various games, including way too many rounds of "Eye Spy".
After 8 days and 7 nights of wonderful times , filled with fabulous firsts, and new memories that will never be forgotten (thanks partly due to 20+ rolls of film filled with "must take" pictures), we sadly pack up our numerous souvenirs, including every seashell available on beach, that child "must bring back"to show her class ,and head home, all the while savoring the afterglow of a perfect family vacation. And next year, when pulling out our suitcases to pack for another adventure, waves of nostalgia will hit when sand, lurking away in hidden places, spills out and reminds us how truly blessed we are to have the opportunity to escape from reality, even if it is just for one week!
