Fear of the Dark

Conquering those nighttime anxieties

By Anne Marie Robichaud

I was afraid of the dark as a child. The moment my head hit the pillow at bedtime I was sure I could hear pounding footsteps coming towards me, at the time, I was convinced a monster was coming up the basement steps to get me. Night after night I would hear the same loud thumps and dash into my parents bedroom to seek refuge under their covers. In spite of my mothers reassurance that there was no monster in the basement, I knew those thumps were real and there was nothing she could do or say to convince me otherwise. It was a couple of years later when I finally figured out what those footsteps were. As a child I always slept on my side, and when my head hit the pillow I heard loud thumps, what I didn't realize then was the thumps were the sounds of my heart beating not footsteps!

Fear is a normal emotion for all children; in fact, having a fear of playing near the street or of strangers is a good thing that can actually keep children safe. On the other hand, we need to find ways to help our children overcome those needless fears such as fear of the dark, or monsters. Here are some tips that may help your child conquer those nighttime anxieties:

• Take the fears seriously. Nighttime fears are very real for children so it's important to take them seriously. Avoid making light of the situation by saying things like, "that's silly, there's nothing to be afraid of in the dark". Try saying things like "I know you are afraid of the dark, now let's see what we can do to help you feel better at bedtime." Working with your child to come up with solutions will give them a lot of comfort and help them feel in control of the situation.
• Find the source. Your child may say he is afraid of the dark, but is actually afraid of the things he thinks he sees in his closet when the doors are open so always find the source, before bedtime, check out the closet and look under the bed with your child to show them there are no monsters for example. By finding out exactly what scares your child, you can take steps to help them beat their fears. An interesting example of this is last Christmas when our little boy thought he heard a monster scratching his bedroom window, after a little investigation, we realized that it was the wind blowing a holiday wreath on the window! Once we identified the source, the fear went away.
• Minimize television. Your child may be afraid of the dark or having nightmares because of a scary cartoon or program on television, if this is the case, make sure your child understands that cartoons are not real, and consider banning television programs that trigger fear in your child. It's also important to avoid watching the news when your younger children are around. The news is geared towards the adult audience and not children, and often contains graphic stories containing violence and human tragedy that your child will find very disturbing; this can be especially upsetting before bedtime.
• Tell stories. Read stories about overcoming the fear of the dark with your child, and share stories about how you overcame your fears as a child. Knowing that other people have the same fears will give your child a lot of comfort and encouragement. Some excellent children's books that address bad dreams, and fear of the dark are The Berenstain Bears Series and Franklin in the Dark by Paulette Bourgeois.
• Avoid using force: Conquering a fear of the dark takes time for a child; so don't push them into facing their fears. For example, don't force your child to stay in his room with the door closed at bedtime, or use their bedroom as a place for time out, this will only worsen the situation. Give your child a chance to deal with their fears one small step at a time. Continue to provide lots of reassurance and comfort and soon you will see a big difference.