Getting Back to Work

How to get Back to Work After You've Become a Mother

By Cindy Kopp

As a working member of society you enjoy income, position, respect, working with others, a feeling of community and that somehow you are contributing something to the world. With this comes a higher self-esteem and an overall impression that your contribution is important. If you give this all up for the responsibilities of parenthood, can you ever find your way back again? You may be surprised to find that you certainly can. One day you make a monumental decision; you will become a parent. The next crucial decision is whether to maintain your current career while raising your children or stay at home and take on the task of full-time parenthood. As a full time parent, your days are filled with important decisions about child rearing, caring, loving, nurturing. I have the utmost respect for full time parents because of my first hand experience.

The birth of our twin boys was a miracle and I cherish every last moment that I've spent immersed in their everyday lives. I adore children and parenthood is the hardest task I have ever undertaken, but by far, the most rewarding. It's ongoing and I can say, so far, so good. But then a couple of questions came to mind, and I found that other mothers have pondered this as well What happens after the kids go to full day school? Is it possible to step back into a successful career? Most stay-at-home parents come to this crossroads, and the steps taken will determine what the rest of life will be like.

This decision can be a difficult one to make. Let me share some of my own experience and how I overcame the 'parent trap.' I've spoken with a number of women in similar positions, and I found that we all had a number of common challenges. Of course being a female, my perspective is from a Mother's point of view, but with today's changing trends, this applies to stay-at-home Dads also.

While working on Wall Street as a seasoned executive, I experienced all the joys of being part of a dynamic group of adults all working together and reaping all the benefits of accomplishment and the rewards of income for a job well-done. Then came all the joys of parenthood, but what was next? I thought it would be simple. I would start with a part time job in my field, around the children's schedule and work my way to full time as the children matured. My thinking seemed sound and reasonable.

What I experienced was much different. I found that the actual working hours available are about 4-5 a day. My skills were a bit rusty, so no one was jumping to hire me. With minimal pay and only 20-25 hours a week available to me, it wasn't going to be profitable.

So, I would revise my plan to fit the circumstances. Easier said than done. I could have grudgingly hired a reliable sitter and go to work full time, but I had a problem with finding someone that would be available all the time and willing to be flexible. It would have also put a financial strain on our family until I could rise above the low rate of pay. I considered working nights to salvage our already precarious financial situation, but I knew I would have so little time with my spouse that the sacrifice didn't seem worth it.

Well, I was lucky, or so I thought. I found the 20-25 hour a week job, and the pay was even tolerable. I thought I was on my way until I started to deal with job-related obstacles that other working parents had warned me about. Let't just go through the "short" list.

The boss and his expectations. They needed me to work when it snowed, to stay late to finish work, to come in when my child was sick, to come in when school was closed for professional reasons, on certain school holidays, to miss that "special" performance of the school play. The demands were endless. The stress was continuous and over flowing into my personal life. After a while my self esteem plummeted, and I felt helpless to change it. That experience just about brought me to my knees. I knew there had to be a way to fight my way back.

After many months of torture I decided that the answer lie in a home-based business where the schedule could be flexible, the income would be sufficient and where my stress could be diminished.

There were obstacles to consider. The first was a big one fear of failure. Pretending I was still the same person I was years ago might have been comfortable, but impractical. After years of being out of the "executive marketplace," a lower self-esteem crept up on me. I didn't know it, but it was there. I endured remarks attempting to point out my insignificance like, "Oh, you stay home?" What do you do all day anyway?" Or, "Oh, you haven't worked in a while, so you really don't understand how it is now." "Just take any job." Could I really do this? What if I failed? Of course I had tried the job routine and I had (can I say it) FAILED? Or had I?

I realize now it was an impossible situation. I couldn't control my children's schedule, the weather, professional days, illness. My failure turned out to be expectations being too high, with limited time available. It was time to step up to the plate, move beyond the fear and to take charge of my own future.

I learned to recognize where the fear was really coming from. The fear was coming from everyone else around me accepting the "average" way out and trying to convince me that was the road I was on. I wanted more. I discovered that if you have a clear vision of where you are going, nothing will stop you. I no longer would take the "average" route. I went for my dream, ignored the nay sayers, conquered the fear and WENT FOR IT! I know at this point you are dying to know what I did next. It was very simple.

Start! Yes, it is that simple. I started writing down the reasons I was doing this, why I didn't want to settle for the go nowhere job and what my ultimate long range goal was.

I explored the rewards of home based business like time freedom, tax savings, financial gains, working with those you want and the boost my self esteem needed. Just taking the step empowered me.

The second step toward the long climb back? I found out what interested me and what I could be good at. Others explored artistic design, advertising, writing a book, selling products, referral marketing. Whatever sparked their interest. I did my research. I found out what others were doing in the field to achieve their goals. I saw how they were living their dream.

Third. I stepped out of my comfort zone, just a little every day. Making phone calls scared me, so I did it first and I did it alot! Writing advertising for my business was the scariest thing in the world, so I tried to become an expert in it. I talked to others in the field. My "comfort zone" slowly melted away. When I spoke to others I suggested that whatever was stopping them, do it FIRST, EVERYDAY. They should make it their priority. The final step is the biggest. Here ya go. Are you ready? Don't stop. Yes, that is the ultimate answer. I made a conscious decision to believe in myself, believe in what I was doing, believe that my long range goal was obtainable. I even pictured myself already there and I won't stop until I get there.

This is an ongoing process. Everyday things get just a little easier. The obstacles that once held me back have been disappearing. Others I know are doing the same. Success is inevitable if you decide it is. You can do this too! Believe in getting yourself back. You are in there, and waiting to be reinvented and rejuvenated! You just have to look hard and never give up!

Copyright (c) Cindy Kopp, All Rights Reserved. Reprints, reproduction or distribution of this document in whole or in part is not permitted without written permission from the author.