How well do you know your toddler - preschooler?

TRUE OR FALSE -"Words aren't important to me! I'll get along just fine even if I don't learn about language."

The answer is FALSE. Everyone gets along better in the world once they have learned about language. Thinking in language is called "symbolic thought." A symbol is something that stands for, or represents some other thing. For example, a siren causes us to pull over to the side of the road. The sound is a symbol. Words also are symbols. If you write or say "STAR," you do not have to draw a * for others to know what you mean. Think of all the objects, actions, and emotions we can express quickly to each other because we share a symbolic language. Words are very important!

Here are some ways you can help toddlers learn about language.

• Help children learn about objects and how to put them in groups that are alike. For example, talk about dishes, toys, clothes, and so on. Help toddlers see that even though objects may differ in size, shape, and color, they still belong to the same group. You can play classification games with almost anything you see if you keep this idea in mind.
• Help toddlers fit language to action. Talk to them while you are doing something in order to provide symbolic experiences to go with your actions. Use numbers, colors, time, and categories in your conversations. For example, say, "Twelve o'clock, time for lunch." "One o'clock, let's take a nap." "One, two, three, four, five clean toes!"
• Speak to children in descriptive language and, when you can, demonstrate what you mean. For example, use words like bigger or smaller, lighter or darker, and more or less. Show them what these words mean by comparing two objects and ask them questions like, "Which one is bigger?" and "What glass has more milk?"
• Listen to toddlers talk to themselves while they play and learn. Let them hear you talk to yourself, too.
• Read stories and sing songs with toddlers. You can learn more about these activities in the *Good Times with Music* and Rhythm* and *Good Times with Stories and Poems* sections.

TRUE OR FALSE - "I want to do everything for myself. It's a good idea to let me help you when you clean, carry, build, and run errands."

The answer is TRUE. If there is one thing toddlers want, it's ACTION, and one way to be active is by helping. When toddlers learn to walk, they experience again and again the successful feeling that comes with reaching and taking. For example: when toddlers can reach for a brightly colored sponge, take it to the table and clean off the crumbs (just the way they have seen you do it), they feel good about themselves and can say with confidence "I did it myself."

Letting toddlers have the freedom to help in this way, though, is hard work for caregivers. Toddlers do not stay with one job for very long. Before you know it, they are on to another interesting activity. Toddlers move so fast it is hard for caregivers of any age to keep up with them. In fact, there have been experiments that show a professional athlete can not do exactly what a 2-year-old does throughout a day without reaching a state of total exhaustion.

Here are ways you can help the toddlers you care for stay physically occupied.

• Toddlers love to hold onto things, to move around with them and to throw or hide them away somewhere. However, they get tired of toys or household objects quickly. Instead of giving them several toys all at once and having them discarded all at once, try to keep toys hidden away out of the toddler's sight and reach. Then you can offer them a fresh toy exactly when they need one. Handing out toys one at a time like this will keep you both busy!
• If the opportunity arises for the toddler you care for to play with another child of about the same age, take advantage of it. Toddlers are interested in making friends but will not take a lot of guff from another child. This can lead to a clash of wills between the two children that can sound frightening, but is good for both of them in the long run. If you engineer the situation so both of them can win a little, they come away with a more realistic attitude about their own rights and independence. Do not be too quick to jump in and stop a squabble.
• Even though toddlers work hard to learn independence, they still get tired and want to rest. When they reach that stage, they want to be cuddled and held, reassured and comforted. Read a book, tell a story, or listen to some soothing music.
• Because toddlers are so active, it is important to make sure their play environment is safe. Find out what the safety rules are in the toddler's home and be sure to stick to them consistently. Toddlers will test you to see if you know the rules. Let them know that you do by using a firm voice and a patient smile. Read *Good Times with Health and Safety* to learn more about this.
• "Me do it! is a common toddler expression. They want to do things by themselves and it is important that you let them try. If you know they cannot possibly complete a task, do not embarrass them by saying, "You can't do that, you are too little." Try saying, "Let's do it together or "How about some teamwork?" This will preserve the toddler's self-esteem and confidence.

TRUE OR FALSE - "It's normal for me to have make-believe playmates. I'm not telling lies when I tell you stories about my pretend friends. I really do play with them!"

The answer is TRUE. Three-year-olds think and play differently than 2-year-olds. Two-year-olds are very active and physical. Three-year-olds slow down a little bit and advance toward imaginative play. Three-year-olds are more social than 2-year-olds, and they like to play with other children instead of just next to them. Sometimes they "make up" other children and think of these imaginary friends as special people in their lives.

Children develop social skills mainly through play. They learn how to share, cooperate, have conversations, and even how to meet people while they play. As a caregiver, just the right amount of play with toddlers (and their imaginary friends) can help stimulate their social development. Here are some simple "rules of play":

• Watch children without interrupting their fantasy worlds. Listen to what they say to their imaginary friends and what situations they pretend to be in. What playthings are their favorites and why?
• Join in the play at the children's level. Let them lead the play. Do not suggest too many changes or ideas of your own. If you try to teach complicated ideas too quickly, you might confuse the children and feel disappointed if they do not respond to your ideas.
• Ask toddlers to tell you about what they are doing. Let them tell you in their own words, and do not make judgments about their play. Try not to disagree with them or to get them to see something your way. Toddlers' play may look different to you than it does to them. Let it be their way.
• After playing for a while at the toddler's pace, introduce a slightly more difficult stage of play. For example, if a child can handle a two-piece puzzle, get one out with three pieces. Or if a child likes building with blocks, show how to use cars with blocks.
• After you have introduced a new idea, back away and watch again to see if and how the youngster explores this new activity. After children learn to do something new by themselves, you can get involved again and suggest another new activity. Read *Good Times with Play* for more information about the social development of toddlers.

TRUE OR FALSE - "If I cry when I see you, you'll have to forget about caring for me. My crying means I don't like you!"

The answer is FALSE. Most toddlers develop fears of some kind, and many are afraid of people they do not know. When a caregiver with whom they are not familiar arrives to stay with them, they often respond in the only way they know - by crying, clinging, hiding, or refusing to cooperate with anything that is asked of them.

Fear is a normal human emotion. It allows self-protection. Most fears, though, are learned and can be overcome. Recognizing that a child is truly frightened and then reassuring him or her are important steps in dealing with children's fears. Here are other ways you can help toddlers overcome fears.

As toddlers grow, they worry about being away from their parents. When they were infants, they forgot about people they could not see, but as toddlers, they remember them and know when they are not around. As a caregiver, you can help toddlers worry less about separating from their
parent(s). Two things will help:

1. Always tell the child that the parent is leaving. "Sneaking out will hurt the toddler's level of trust.
2. Absorb the toddler in an interesting activity before the parent leaves. Plan ahead so you will have an activity ready to go as soon as you enter the toddler's home. You might even bring a toy or interesting object with you so you can give it to the toddler as soon as you arrive.
   • It is a good idea to get to know the toddler before you arrive to care for him or her. Once the toddler has gotten used to you, try to keep your appearance the same. (Do not arrive wearing glasses if the toddler did not meet you that way.)
   • Always greet children at their eye level. If the toddler is on the floor, squat or sit down so he or she can clearly see your face. Approach them quietly and slowly. Too much friendliness can scare a small child.
   • If you are going to the park, to a friend's house, or anywhere that the toddler will have other children to play with, take some time to talk about what the two of you will do there. Prepare the toddler for any animals, loud noises, dark rooms, or strangers that you may encounter. Once you arrive, let the toddler play alone or with other children if it is safe. Tell the toddlers where you will be, and then be sure to be there so they will know where to go if they need help. Station yourself nearby so you can watch the toddler at all times. Never let them go anywhere with someone else unless you know the person very well!
   • Help toddlers get to know other children in groups by introducing them. Even though children seem to be very friendly, they can be scared when it comes to "breaking into" new groups of children. Show them how to make friends by making friends yourself!

A striking characteristic of 4- and 5-year-olds is their egocentrism. This refers to their tendency to view the world from their own perspective or point of view. For example, if asked, "Why does the sun shine? a typical response from a preschooler might be: "To keep me warm. Here we see how egocentric the child is, believing that the world was created for his own satisfaction. This self-centeredness is due to the child's mental inability to see things from another point of view.

Another characteristic of preschooler thought is animism. Animism is evident when children credit inanimate or lifeless objects with lifelike qualities, such as feelings and thoughts. To the young child, things that move are alive, like a piece of paper blown by the wind or a flowing stream. Animism has its own charm and occurs frequently in children's stories and fairy tales. A familiar example is the scarecrow who comes to life in The Wizard of Oz. Sometimes children cry if a favorite stuffed animal is kicked or callously tossed out of the way. This is a prime example of animism: the stuffed animal is hurt by such carelessness and abuse!

Another naive characteristic of preschooler thought is called artificialism. This is the notion that everything - every object and every event - has been created by humans for human use. For example, children may believe that rain is caused by someone emptying a watering can or similarly, that a man blowing causes the wind.

The preschooler's logic is faulty by adult standards. However, it is very reasonable to the young child. Rather than correct or argue with young children, it is probably better to provide experiences which challenge children to change their ways of thinking. For example, you could help children notice that rain only comes when there are clouds in the sky. You could also draw their attention to water condensing on a cold soda can in the humid summer or the "clouds" formed by their breath on cold days. By helping children understand the world, you will encourage them to advance to the next stage of thinking.