Jelly bracelets: urban legend attracts attention, but little critical thought |
HALIFAX (CP) When Madonna started wearing jelly bracelets 20 years ago, the trend-setting pop star couldn¹t have imagined the furor her rubbery bangles would generate in the new millennium. Since 2001, the cheap wrist adornments bracelets have gained a nefarious reputation because they’re linked to an Internet game that involves the exchange of sexual favours.
The jury is still out on whether adolescents actually play the game in which youngsters who snap a bracelet off another’s wrist are expected to receive a sexual favour or if it’s just fodder for schoolyard giggles.
Jennifer Brayton, a sociology professor at the University of Toronto, suggests that dabbling in stuff-for-sex games has been part of budding sexuality rituals for decades.
At one time, pop-can pull tabs were considered good for a kiss, though the game more often ended in squealing than smooching.
But the urban legend surrounding the bracelets continues to grow, thanks mainly to intense media coverage that has provoked public outcry in some areas.
Brayton says the coloured bracelets and the associated list of explicit acts are listed on dozens of websites and have been featured on TV reports from Good Morning America, Dr. Phil and Oprah, giving the game a certain legitimacy and generating unprecedented reaction among parents and teachers.
This is really just a new spin on an old trick, says Brayton. But it continues to give us this very prevalent message that teens have sex, sex is out of control and the only way to deal with it is to control the villain: the bracelet.
In the past six months, the bracelets have attracted attention at elementary and high schools in Montreal, Saskatoon, Moncton and Halifax. Typically, the public response has been to ban the bracelets.
It’s an approach that worries Brayton because the bans aren’t usually accompanied by any kind of dialogue on sexual consent, one of the major themes underpinning the game.
There’s this kind of connotation that if someone did break the jelly bracelet, then you have to go along with (the game), she says.
It seems to say that people don’t have a choice when it comes to their sexuality. Meanwhile, educators cite various reasons for banning the bracelets, ranging from eliminating a distraction to fears of eventual student molestation.
But Melissa Williams, a Grade 9 student in Dartmouth, N.S., rolls her eyes at the naivete of adults who believe banning the bracelets is an effective way of stopping kids from thinking, talking about or having sex.
Sex is going to be around, says the 14-year-old. People talk about it, and if kids are going to do that stuff, it doesn’t matter if they have bracelets or what the bracelet says. Melissa says the bracelets were nothing but a fad when they were banned at her school in Eastern Passage, N.S., which is east of Halifax. She said everyone knew about the game, but she doesn’t know of anyone playing it.
She says any boy trying to use a bracelet to get sex from her would be told to get lost. Principal Bernie MacIntyre made the decision last February after parents told him about the bracelets’ unsavoury associations, saying the ban was a proactive measure against any potential trouble.
It’s like a weapon at school, he says. You don’t allow that, and these were in a sense a weapon too, if used inappropriately.
The main thing I wanted the kids to learn from this is that something can be interpreted the wrong way and I wanted them to learn that that had potential.
But Melissa says students learned absolutely nothing from the experience. After teachers stripped the students of any bracelets during a one-day blitz, she says the subject was completely taboo. Maybe if they were more informative and educated us about it . . . it wouldn’t have been such a big thing and people wouldn’t be so upset, she says.
Right now it’s just this dirty little secret and no one talks about it, and everyone wonders why. Without the benefit of teaching or any guidance, Brayton says she’s worried that adolescents might start exploring the dirty little secret on their own.
She says there’s already evidence of students copycatting the game and emphasizes that sex education programs need to be modified to address the issue.
First-hand accounts (of the game) are very rare and when they do come up, it’s ŒI saw this on Dr. Phil and then I did it myself, says Brayton.
If the reality of a students life is these very complex issues about when they’re comfortable having sex, notions of consenting to sex, even what is sex, I think actually having conversations would be beneficial overall to having a more healthy society that doesn’t have all these hang-ups and moral panics about sex.
If adults won’t help, Brayton says it might be time for the youngsters to take matters into their own hands. She suggests initiating a frank conversation about the bracelets new cultural meaning, and why adults are so quick to believe what they’re reading in the news.
But regardless of who starts the conversation, Brayton says it’s an important one to have. It’s not like banning these bracelets at home or at school is going to stop teens from having sex, she says.
All it’s really doing is stopping dialogue and it creates this panic about sexuality. But actually having conversations about, how do you feel, knowing that people think you’re going to be sexual wearing these bracelets, is a way that we can talk about fashion and society in a way that might be really productive and healthy overall.
If you are no longer getting a lot of enjoyment out of parenting or are experiencing persistent feelings of resentment towards your children, you may be experiencing parent burnout. Other symptoms of parent burnout include irritability, anger, frustration, sadness, emptiness, and exhaustion. There can be physical symptoms, too, including difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating, headaches, backaches, gastrointestinal problems, lethargy, cardiovascular problems, and skin conditions.
Doing battle with parent burnout
Once you’re battling parent burnout, how do you turn the situation around? By taking better care of yourself, that’s how. Here are a few suggestions.
Set the parenting bar high, but not too high, for yourself.
Parents with perfectionist tendencies are at higher risk for burnout. There’s no such thing as perfection when it comes to the art and science of childrearing, so cut yourself some slack and you’ll find parenting a whole lot more enjoyable, and you’ll be less likely to burn out.
Don’t try to do it all.
Unless you want to start looking and sounding like Bree on Desperate Housewives, let some of the non-essentials go. Who says you have to keep your house immaculate, serve up gourmet dinners, and otherwise shoot for perfection in every area of your life? None of us can do it all. Most of us find that we have to let some things go in order to have the time and energy to invest in parenting. The moral of the story? Don’t feel like a failure just because you’ve taken in a few dust bunnies as tenants.
Don’t let multitasking make you crazy.
While time management gurus like to talk up the benefits of doing five things at once, living life at hyper speed can leave you feeling five times as stressed at the end of the day—and only one-fifth as happy. Besides, some tasks, like reading a bedtime story to a preschooler or breastfeeding a baby, can’t be done in the fast-lane, even if you wanted to. Don’t be afraid to slow your life down to a saner pace.
Put your parenting support team in place.
Connect with other moms and dads who can offer you support and encouragement as you tackle the mother—and father—of all challenges: raising kids.
Finally, give up on that crazy notion that says that “good parents” have to be on duty 24/7.
Sometimes taking a brief timeout from the mommy or daddy trenches is the greatest gift you can give to your kids. If taking that break leaves you feel relaxed and renewed and ready to give parenting your all again, don’t you owe it to your family to take that break?
The Pause That Refreshes: Seven Fabulous Daytrips for Moms
You’ve arranged for a family member or a friend to step into the motherhood trenches for a day so that you can indulge in some serious R&R. Here’s the scoop on seven fabulous daytrips for moms in the GTA.
- Seeing Stars: If you love watching movies and you’re passionate about all things Canadian, you’ll want to make a bee-line for the National Film Board’s Mediatheque (www.nfb.ca/mediatheque; 416-973-3012). The Mediatheque allows you to watch NFB films on personal viewing stations, buy or rent videos and DVDs, or to attend film screenings and classes in the on-site cinema.
- Pop Culture Fantasy: If you love to learn about the history of pop culture, get yourself down to the PLASTIC exhibit at Design Exchange (www.dx.org ; 416-363-6121) before February 6th. You’ll learn about how plastic has changed the way we live, eat, dress, and travel. Very fun stuff.
- The Great Outdoors: Bundle up, pack yourself a thermos of really good coffee, and head for High Park or one of the GTA’s other noteworthy parks (www.city.toronto.on.ca/parks) for a day of hiking, nature photography, or whatever other outdoor activity nurtures your soul.
- Just Say Spa: If a day of serious pampering is in order and your budget can swing a trip to a day spa, contact Premier Spas of Ontario to inquire about their current offerings for moms (www.spasontario.ca; 800-990-7702). If that kind of expenditure is definitely out of the question, go the home spa route instead: make a pit stop at Lush’s Yorkville or Queen Street stores in the GTA (www.lush.ca) and plan to hit the tub when you get home.
- Queen for a Day: If you want to treat yourself to a soothing break that won’t break the bank, go for afternoon tea at a hotel or restaurant. Bring along a novel or magazine that you’ve been itching to dive into and enjoy it at a leisurely pace. If you want the ultimate in decadent tea-drinking experiences (an experience that will truly leave you feeling like royalty), go for high tea at the Windsor Arms Hotel (www.windsorarmshotel.com; 416-971-9666).
- If The Shoe Fits: If you’ve got more shoes in your closet than Imelda Marcos did in her heyday, spend your day at the Bata Shoe Museum (www.batashoemuseum.ba; 416-979-7799). You’ll find more than 10,000 pairs of footwear to drool over, including a pair owned by Sir Elton himself.
- Step Back in Time: If your TV is permanently parked on the history channel, perhaps a visit to one of Toronto’s countless historical sites would be more up your alley. In addition to Casa Loma (www.casaloma.org; 416-923-1171), there’s the Grange Historical House, the Campbell House Museum, and Colborne Lodge and numerous other sites (www.torontotourism.com) .
