Just sleep, for cryin' out loud! |
While most of us are enjoying some of the sunniest days of the year, many bleary-eyed parents still struggle with their longest nights.
Childhood sleep issues — from the perpetual battle to get the kids to bed to waking two or three times a night — frustrate a majority of parents, says author Elizabeth Pantley.
"Up to 70 per cent of children under the age of five have sleep problems," says Pantley, whose new book The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers (McGraw-Hill) follows her earlier title aimed at babies.
"So many have a child who doesn't want to go to sleep. Bedtime tends to be a hassle."
The mother of "four great sleepers" from Seattle traces many behavioural problems in toddlers and preschoolers to a lack of Zs.
"He may be grumpy and have temper tantrums, and freqently falls asleep in the car. A child who is fussy from dinnertime to bedtime is telling you he needs more sleep."
The average three-year-old, says Pantley, needs 12-13 hours of sleep a day, including naps. A preschooler should get at least 11 hours.
For many, the problem starts early: Frequent infant night feedings that lead to tired and desperate moms (and dads).
Some resort to the Ferber method, named after proponet Dr. Richard Ferber who advocates a system of gradually letting babies cry themselves to sleep. But Pantley disagrees.
"You don't want to be sleep deprived, but there are gentle ways to get them to sleep without resorting to crying it out," says Pantley, who will speak on the topic at Calgary's McNally Robinson Booksellers on June 24.
Instead, she says, parents should implement a consistent bedtime routine.
This should include reading, soothing music (background or "white" noise) and a quiet hour spent with the child after they're in pyjamas and brushed their teeth.
Can busy parents spare a full hour each evening to this routine?
"People say that to me all the time, but if you look at your night, you're probably spending more than an hour fighting with your child over bedtime.
"Look at it this way: This is a real bonding time. This is when you can get ready together."
Jen Singer, author of 14 Hours Til Bedtime: A Stay-at-Home Mom's Life in 27 Funny Little Stories (Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing), says sleep — or lack thereof — is always a hot topic on her parenting website, www.MommaSaid.net
"It's one of the most difficult things to go through," says Singer, who speaks from experience.
"My second child, Christopher, would not sleep through the night till he was 16 months old."
Singer says she eventually had success with the Ferber method, though it was difficult to let her son cry.
The stay-at-home mother of two from Kinnelon, N.J., has a solution (albeit temporary) for sleep-deprived moms.
The humourist is promoting her third annual "Please Take My Children To Work Day" on June 27, suggesting mothers offload their kids on family or friends for a few hours.
"It'll give them a chance to recharge before summer holidays," she says, suggesting moms can book a manicure, see a movie that's not animated or organize their own closet for a change.
That, or catch some shut-eye.
PREVENTING COMMON BEDTIME MISTAKES
Parenting expert Elizabeth Pantley says sleep patterns are a learned behaviour.
Here are some well-meaning but common mistakes she says only add to a child's sleep woes:
- Demanding Instant Results: Pantley encourages parents to gradually incorporate a new sleep routine over weeks, not days. "There's no one-day solution," she says.
- Falling Off the Sleep Wagon: Bed times need to stay the same, even on weekends. Letting your preschooler sleep in till 10 p.m. on Sunday creates a "jet-lagged child" on Monday, she says. The same goes for travel. Do your best to maintain sleep hours and nap times even while visiting the grandparents or on holidays, she says.
- Like a Rubber Ball: Some children get up again and again and again at bedtime, asking to use the toilet, get a glass of water, ask a question, etc. Pantley calls these kids "yo-yos" whose parents compound the problem by giving in or getting angry. Instead, "you gently, quietly lead him back to bed. You might have to do it five or six times, but eventually he will stop asking." Another idea: Give the child two "get-out-of-bed free cards," putting a limit on her bedtime bounce.
- If it Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It: Pantley says a household where the children (and parents) are happy, healthy and get enough sleep doesn't need change, even if outsiders think otherwise. For instance, your mother-in-law may not believe in the family bed (dad, mom and the kids together at night), but resist the pressure to do otherwise if it already works for you.
DE-MONSTERING THE ROOM
Many young children are afraid of the dark, monsters or other things from their fertile nocturnal imaginations. Elizabeth Pantley suggests these solutions in her book, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers:
- Give your child a flashlight for him to use if he awakens. A night-light or leaving the hallway light on is helpful if he leaves his bed.
- Give your child one, two or a whole zoo of stuffed animals to help them feel safer. These security objects will help her feel less alone.
- Leaving relaxing music playing or white-noise sounds running can sooth some children.
- Introduce your child to happy monsters, such as the characters on Sesame Street or Monsters, Inc.
