Keeping your Teen Safe

Some Do's and Don'ts

By Peter Massiah

The vast majority of high schools are safe places. The chances of serious harm coming to your child in school are very small, although some kids do get hurt at school. There are things you can do to minimize the chances of serious harm happening to your child at school.

DO'S

Do everything you can to break the power of 'the code'.
The most dangerous place a kid can be, is trapped behind the 'code of silence'. It's the most powerful thing that threatens your child.
Schools are filled with people who help kids. 'The code' keeps your kid from that help. Bad guys depend on it.
Break it. Talk about it. Challenge it. Make sure your kids know they have a choice. Bad guys don't deserve the protection of the code. They use it to hurt people.

Teach your child three steps to stopping 'bad guys'.

• Tell them to stop
• Tell them you'll get help
• Get help

Ask the name of the adult your student would go to for help.
If the answer is nobody, call your counseling department and ask them to help your student connect to at least one adult in the building.

Foster your student's group of friends.
The most vulnerable kid in a school is the loner. Do what you can to keep your kid connected to his friends.

Know your kids' friends and know ABOUT them.
Know their last names and where they live. Be able to get in touch with their parents. Kids are good actors. That nice, polite kid who visits your house may not always be what she appears.

Be accessible.
Give your child and the school your cell phone number. If you can't be reached easily at work, invest in a pager. If there is only one pager; YOU carry it. Tape a quarter somewhere it will stay for emergencies only. Create a connection to another adult and make sure it works. Nobody is always available. Your kid, the school and the alternate adult need to know what to do when you can't be found.

Stay in touch.
The more you know about your child's environment, the safer they are. They may 'just die' if you go to school. Go anyway.
Go to parent nights. Go, so everyone knows somebody cares. It raises your kid's profile. Know when report cards and newsletters are due and ask for them. Most schools publish these dates at the beginning of the year.

Update the school computer.
Most schools hand out up-date cards only once a year. Emergency contacts and up to date contacts that work, are essential. Current medical, custody, and access to information instructions, are also be important.

Check up on them.
Check their knapsack, with your eyes and your nose. Check their money and their stuff. Does it make sense? Where did they get 'it'? Keep an ear on their phone calls. Check their bookmarks. Check the 'history' listing on the computer. Ask older kids about them. Make random phone calls to their locations.

DON'T'S

Don't load them up with 'gear'.
Kids with good stuff are walking targets. Desirable stuff stays home.

Don't isolate them.
Kids kept in a cocoon of safety may not connect with a group. Kids need a group. The group will always be there; you can't be.

Don't trust them unconditionally.
Operate on the assumption that any kid, regardless of history, is capable of a lie. Peer groups are powerful things and can challenge values and behaviors.

Don't use them as go-betweens.
Their lives are full; they are easily distracted and very forgetful. Do your own communicating with teachers, secretaries and others.

Don't take much at face value.
Schools are rampant rumor mills. Kids love to gossip and embellish. Check it out. Go to the source.