Macaroni And Please: Ten-Minute Manners Lessons for Children Ages 3-7

Lesson One: What Are Manners Anyway? Question & Answers

By Lewena Bayer and Karen Mallett

By age two, most children already understand that saying "please" and "thank you" is required. Some children are also beginning to understand what "that's not nice" or "good girl/boy" mean. So, this is the right time to help those children understand what manners are and also to explain why manners are important, generally.

Isn't it true that children learn best by watching? Why is it necessary to be formal about teaching manners?

Yes, absolutely, most children do learn by watching. When it comes to manners though, it is as important for a child to understand why they do something as it is for them to know to do it. Explanations help children understand the reasoning behind behaviours and this understanding makes them better able to decide when to do something out of context.

What if one parent feels strongly about manners and the other parent really doesn't think they are important?

It would be very important for both parents (and other primary caregivers such as grandma) to all agree on the basics. Children need to be rewarded and acknowledged for good manners and consistency is important. Families need to sit down and set "family policies" that everyone can adhere to.

If I only have time to teach three or four things, what would you suggest are the most important manners for children to learn at age 4-5 years?

We suggest you choose from the following which are listed in order of importance

• Making eye contact when speaking or being spoken to
• Saying please and thank you
• Waiting their turn- this includes not interrupting
• Standing tall and walking proud
• Smiling when they see someone or meet someone new
• *For school-aged children-shaking hands with adults

When some of my five year old daughter's friends come over to visit it seems obvious that their parents haven't told them how to behave at someone else's home. Is it rude for me to scold them or tell them what the rules are in our house?

When it comes to our homes, we make the rules. As politely as possible, do let visiting children know what the expectations are at your house. Explain when and why the rules apply and ask your child to illustrate if the visitor is unsure. Always focus on the positive and reward polite behaviours rather than always just commenting on and pointing out the inappropriate ones. Be sure to clarify if the rules are specific to your house, (e.g., we always hang our coats in this closet) or if they generally apply out in the world (e.g., it is polite to take your shoes off when you come into someone's home or you should always shut the door when you use the bathroom)

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