Manners Begin at Home |
If you want your kids to have good manners, make sure you’re modeling the right behaviour.
“Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.” (Author Unknown)
Although we’re more relaxed about etiquette and manners today than we were in Emily Post’s (the guru of etiquette) time, both are still the essential ingredients of a polite, respectful and tolerant society.
How do we impart those qualities to our kids? Here’s some advice from Peggy Post (Emily’s great-granddaughter). “Manners education is inseparable from the other things a parent or primary caregiver must do to raise a responsible, self-sufficient child. It’s not a kind of add-on that should be attended to after the schoolwork and the soccer, ballet and piano lessons are done. Instead, teaching and modeling good manners are integral to daily family life.”
Start with the basics
The question parents need to ask themselves is: “Are we modeling the right behaviour?” Parents need to be consistent about what they say and what they do. That’s sometimes difficult given the hectic lives we all lead, but it’s essential. If manners are an issue for your family, then it’s time to re-evaluate their importance and start working on them today. Whether you are at home, in a store, at a friend’s, or visiting grandparents, teach your children that good manners are used everywhere. Start with the basics and build from there.
THE MAGIC WORDS. Rote teaching of “magic words” and important phrases can begin as early as a baby’s first day. Words like “please”, “thank you”, “you’re welcome”, “excuse me”, and “I’m sorry” should and will eventually come naturally to kids if you model the right behavior. Be consistent, but don’t nag.
TABLE BASICS. No chewing with an open mouth. Keep elbows off the table. Ask for something to be passed rather than reaching across others for it. If you have young children, keep your serving dishes small and cool enough so they can take part. Make sure you demonstrate the behaviour you want to see from your kids. Watch that you are not jumping up to answer the phone or reaching to get a second serving of potatoes.
TELEPHONE MANNERS. As cute as it is to hear your young kids on the phone, it’s important not to annoy callers. To help your children develop good phone manners, stand with them when they are answering the phone – people on the other end will be more patient if they know you are there helping. Teach your children that whether they are accepting a call or making one, they should use a clear voice. While it’s considered good etiquette to identify yourself when making or receiving a call, Child Find Ontario recommends that parents should not teach children this “rule.” Instead, parents should teach their child that it is okay to identify the home (Jones’ residence), but not to give his/her name. ChildFind warns that once a caller knows a child’s name, the caller is no longer a stranger and it’s easier for them to gain a child’s confidence.
GREETING PEOPLE. While not everyone values a handshake and eye contact, especially from a child, it is a standard more of us should adopt. Remind your kids to look people in the eyes while shaking their hands. And teach them to greet people by name – Mr., Mrs., Ms. or Miss, followed by their surname. If we, as parents, introduce our children to people in this manner, then they will learn this behaviour well.
POLITENESS. Remember that our children watch our every move. If a store clerk is rude to you, don’t react in kind. Teach your kids to treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude.
THANK-YOU NOTES. This social grace is often overlooked. But writing thank you notes is an important lesson for children in showing gratitude and one that you can easily model for them. Anytime you receive a gift, are a guest at someone’s home, or feel gratitude for some small favour, send a thank-you note. While you can opt to use email, a hand written card is best.
Teaching good manners is easier than you think and well worth the effort. What you teach now will stay with your children forever.
