Mom, You're Embarrassing Me

By Catherine Rondina

It seems like only yesterday she was walking hand-in-hand with you - now your preteen doesn't even want to be seen in the same shopping mall as you!

Relax, she still loves you and needs you just as much as she ever did she's just finding herself. But how in the world does your little darling go from worshipping the ground you walk on to rolling her eyes after everything you say? Easy - it's called growing up and it's a simple declaration of independence.

So how do you, a mature adult who is her child's constant source of embarrassment stay calm and cool without wearing your broken heart on your sleeve? Buck up and continue reading.

Try to keep in mind that it's not really about you - you may actually be a pretty cool parent but your preteen's world is changing quickly. Don't ever take what she says personally even though her criticism may be harsh at times. Remember that your child is going through a difficult time in her young life - with hormones kicking in and social pressures weighing heavily on her. If your child's comments do reach a point where she's just gone too far you still have the right to do your parently duty and tell her she's crossing the line. Making her aware of the fact that she's hurt your feelings will help to teach her a bit of empathy.

Respecting your child's wishes when it comes to what he might consider embarrassing is one area where you may find you can give a little. If your son asks you to stop kissing him when you drop him off at school in the morning - give him a break and steal your smooches in the privacy of your own home. But while giving a little here and there is fine, don't let your child dictate you into a corner. Don't allow him to tell you what to wear because your sense of style embarrasses him and hold your ground when it comes to listening to your music when you want to. If you let your child treat you like a doormat you will lose your authority and credibility as a parent and your relationship will suffer even further for it.

Always keep in mind that you are the one in charge and you have a responsibility to your child. Never let your duties as a parent be put aside because your child is embarrassed by your rules. For example, if your daughter is attending a party and you want to talk with the parents of the child having the party regarding details, it is your parental duty to make the call. Simply explain to your daughter that you just want to ensure her safety and that it's your duty as a parent.

With any situation where conflict can erupt, humour is often the perfect way to defuse the situation. Try to joke about your child's criticisms and laugh along with her. When she tells you that you look too old to wear your favourite t-shirt, laugh and say, "this t-shirt's probably older than you!" Using humour to forge a bond can help everyone involved keep his or her cool.

Remember that despite the embarrassment you may cause your children they still need you as much as ever - no matter how hard they seem to be trying to push you away.