My Story of being a Birth Mom |
Maryann, the author of this story, moderates our Birthmoms Discussion Board. This is her story:
When I was fifteen I met a wonderful guy that I fell in love with. He was two years my senior.I would have done anything to make him happy, and vice versa. At the age of seventeen I got pregnant by this guy and I went to live with him in Alberta. He was working on the oil rigs at the time.
At Christmas time he came home to be with his parents, and left me with a friend. After two weeks he did not come back and I got scared and ran to my sister for help. She lived in Trail B.C. and had just had a baby boy two weeks prior to this. My parents had to be told, and they decided that I was not to keep the baby as my mother did not want any of her friends to know.
Well March 25, 1977 came along and I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My boyfriend(who is now my husband) came to see us in the hospital, but he was not ready to settle down and become a provider yet. Therefore I had to go along with my parents decision and give my daughter up. That was the hardest decision of my life, and the saddest day of my life.
Every year on her birthday, which is also my husband's brother in laws birthday, I sing happy birthday to her.
One day I hope to find her and let her know that if there was any other way, I would have kept her and raised her instead of giving her up. I hope to be able to find her before my dad dies of cancer, but the search is long and hard and I can't afford the government's attrocious 250 dollar price tag to have a search done. So I register in as many reunion sites on the web as I can find, and also as many places off the web. One day, God willing, I will find her. I just hope it is before my dad dies.
Well here is my story about being a birthmom. I don't think that people realize what a birthmom goes through giving a child up for adoption, and the torture she goes through wondering if the child is alright, and if she made the right decision. Most birthmoms would have preferred to keep that child and raise it themselves. I was on birthcontrol when I got pregnant with my daughter. So no one can blame me for not taking precautions because I did.
I hate having to treat it like my dirty dark secret, but society still looks at it that way. It is not fair to the adult adoptees, or the birthparents out there that want to be reunited and can't because of red tape. I wish our government would start living in the nineties and realize that we have a right to know.
They say we have open records now. Then why can't I find my daughter? I know her name is Susan Jenine Murphy, and by a fluke I also know her father's name is Douglas. I know that when I gave her up for adoption, her parents were both teachers that had been trying to have children for ten years. I also know that if it had been possible to have an open adoption, both parties would probably have agreed. The Murphy couple that adopted my daughter asked if they could see me, and were told no.
So they left me this touching message: Thank you for giving us the chance to raise a child. It must have been a very difficult decision for you, and we promise we will take very good care of your daughter. If you ever change your mind and want to know about her, maybe you can check through social services, we would be glad to send you pictures and letters.
I know that there are a lot of hurting birthmoms and adoptees out there searching and that is why I decided to be the host of the birthmoms forum here at Canadian Parents Online.
Sincerely, Maryann
P.S. I married her father, and we have a son seven years younger than our daughter. He knows all about his sister and would like to meet her. Because my husband still isn't ready to deal with this, he does not know that my son knows. Hopefully one day I can tell him. My husband is willing to let me search though.
