Parenting a Teen

Ten tips for one of the toughest jobs on earth!

By Peter Massiah

Educate Yourself

Read books about puberty. Think back on your own. Remember your struggles with acne, your embarrassment at developing early - or late. Expect some mood changes in your typically sunny child, and be prepared for more conflict as she finds her way as an individual. Parents who know what's coming can cope with it better. And the more you know, the better you can prepare your child.

Talk to Your Child Early Enough

Talking about menstruation or wet dreams after they've already started means you are too late. Answer the early questions kids have about their bodies, the differences between boys and girls, and where babies come from. Don't overload them with information - just answer their questions. You know your child. You can hear when he's starting to tell jokes about sex, or when his attention to his own appearance is increasing. This is a good time to jump in with your own questions: "Are you noticing any changes in your body? Are you having any strange feelings? Are you sad sometimes and don't know why?" A yearly physical exam is a great time to bring up these things. A doctor can tell a pre-adolescent child and her parents what to expect in the next few years. The exam can serve as a jumping-off point for a good parent/child discussion of puberty. The later you wait to have this discussion, the more likely your child will be to form misconceptions or become embarrassed about or afraid of his physical and emotional changes. Furthermore, the earlier you open the lines of communication on these subjects, the better chance you have of keeping them open through puberty. Give your child books on puberty written for kids going through it. Encourage them to access the KidsHealth article on puberty written for kids. Share memories of your own adolescence with your child. There's nothing like knowing that Mom or Dad went through it, too, to put a child more at ease.

Encourage the Group Connection

Your student's friends are her greatest source of comfort and safety during the school day. Do what you can to help her stay connected. If the rest are walking, let yours walk too. If you're driving, then pick up some others. Try not to isolate your kid from the group. The move to secondary school shakes some long established groups. Keep an eye on it. Check out any new members. Be wary if your students' group breaks up. Do what you can to help establish new connections. Loners are vulnerable and without support in a new and scary environment.

Get Connected Stay Connected

Information is your best tool in helping your child be successful. Go to the parent evenings. Introduce yourself to teachers. Introduce yourself to consellors. If your student has a special ed. background, be in touch with the special ed. department. Knowing someone at home cares gives a boost to your child's profile in most classes. Many schools publish student agenda books with pages on expectations and routines. Ask to see it and read it. Many schools publish student agenda books with pages on expectations and routines. Ask to see it and read it. Most schools publish dates for newsletters, interim reports and major reports to parents. Post the list. Ask for the newsletters. Ask for the report cards. Talk about the report cards. Go to the parent teacher interviews; trouble or not. Let your student know it's important " walk your talk. Let the teachers know it's important " walk your talk. Do you have the school web site bookmarked? Do any of the teachers have a course website?

Be Alert Be Responsive

A lot of kids are poor self-reporters. They minimize troubles, are slow to ask for help, are afraid to rock the boat, and don't like to upset you. Trust your instinct. You know your kid best. Make the call if you suspect something's wrong. Don't wait for the report card. Make sure your telephone info is up to date on school records. Have you given the school YOUR E mail address? Know the reasons for poorer than expected grades. Know what the solutions are and support them. Get the full story on any incidents. Talk to both sides. Not satisfied? Get help. Call a counsellor. Call a Vice Principal. Call a principal.

Most kids will be just fine. There are things you can do to make it easier, on them and ultimately, on you. A good start is very important. A bad start can take a long time to fix.