Parenting Power Tool #1: Perspective

By Rob Stringer

What is one of the top complaints of parents today? There's always ten more things to do, and not enough time to do them! Given our time is limited, and the demands on that time abundant, it only makes sense that we need to be as effective as we can, right?

Unfortunately, many people end up spending major amounts of time on minor things. In our parenting, as in life, it's important to determine which of the multitude of possible activities will provide you with the highest payoff-keeping you from squandering your resources and time.

Enter, the Parenting Power Tools. Over the coming months, I will share with you several key strategies and activities that can effectively help to reduce or eliminate issues starting this month with "perspective".

Parenting Power Tool #1: Perspective

Your perspective determines your experience in life, not your circumstances.

Perspective is our point-of-view. It's the lens through which we view life-helping us to understand and interpret situations. But just as a professional photographer would never limit him/herself to one lens to use for every shot, we too must learn how to change our perspective or "lenses" as well.

It's amazing how powerful changing your perspective can be.

Think of a recent event or conversation with someone in your family that left you feeling upset. Perhaps your child was defiant, or distant.

• How did you feel?
• How did you respond?
• Did you feel angry? Sad? Frustrated?

Now try to shift your perspective ... the way you view the situation. Here are several ways:

Consider the other person's perspective. Often times, a person's actions might seem totally reasonable if we take the time to fully understand the situation. Ask yourself:

• Why was he acting that way?
• How was she feeling?
• Might he be upset about something else?
• Do you think she really meant what she said?
• Could he have misinterpreted what I said?
• What has she assumed?

Examples:

Your child came home from school in a bad mood and began yelling at you. How do you respond? Are you angry? What if your child was sad because the class guinea pig went missing that day, he/she was bullied at school, or just found out a good friend was moving away? Did that change your feeling?

The kids in the checkout line ahead of you are out-of-control and the Dad is doing nothing! Frustrated? What if their grandma just died, or their mom was very ill in the hospital? Does that change your response?

Look at the bigger picture. Often we get caught up in the moment, and lose focus. Ask yourself:

• Will this matter in 6 months? 1 year? 5 years?
• In the grand scheme of life, how important is this?
• Is this morally or life threatening?

Look at the extreme. Take an extreme perspective. It may give you insight. Ask yourself:

• How were you not one bit responsible?
• How was that 100% your fault?

One key when dealing with situations that arise (or afterward), is to examine your perspective and then try changing it. Remember ...

• Nothing lasts forever-not even your troubles" (Arnold H. Glasow)

You just never know … happiness could be a thought away.

ACTION POINTS:

This week, try examining your perspective. In addition to the above questions, consider asking yourself the following:

• How could I make this fun?
• What is missing in order for this situation win-win?
• What is this belief costing me?
• What assumptions have I made?
• Is my perspective "reality"?
• What would I do if I were not afraid?
• What advice would I give a good friend in the same situation?