Parenting Power Tool #2: Responsibility

By Rob Stringer

Last month I introduced the Parenting Power Tools and began with "Perspective". This month, I invite you to reflect on another very effective tool in your parenting toolbox ...

Parenting Power Tool #2: Responsibility a.k.a. "Response-Ability"

"Choose to respond not react."

Ahhh! Why me?! Your frustration is growing, your chest constricting. Your pulse-rate steadily climbs. Another stressful situation! …

Every time a situation occurs in your life, you either respond or react … and there are consequences for both courses of action. Interestingly enough, most times it's not what happens to you but rather what you do about it that can make the biggest difference in the amount of stress you feel.

Reactions often perpetuate problems or harm relationships.
Responses create an opportunity to act in alignment with your values.

All too often, people react and later regret their choices. But how can you slow things down, allowing you time to better assess the situation before responding? The answer is literally right under your nose!

Ready? Set ... BREATHE!
Whether dealing with life-changing events, or the many hassles life throws your way, the answer is literally right under your nose. All you need to do is … breathe!

"All the average individual has to do is stop and take one [conscious] breath … just one breath, and it will change his/her landscape," says Maya Breuer RYT, a senior yoga teacher at the Kripalu Yoga Center in Lenox Massachusetts, "and what was annoying becomes tenable."

Lisa Borkovich, a Reiki Master within the Usui System of Natural Healing and mother of two agrees. "If I'm in a tense situation or feeling some anxiety, I'll check in on my breath. Often just a couple of deep slow breaths are enough to center me and bring me back to where I need to be."

Part of breath's power rests in its ability to bring us back into the moment. The few seconds it takes to breathe deeply, holds a gap for us-between stimulus and response, allowing us time to accurately assess a situation and make better, more informed decisions.

Breath can also be used to help those who quickly anger. People are often told to relax when they are angry, but rarely instructed as to how to do it. Borkovich explains, "You can use your breath to push the anger out. Instead of breathing slowly and deeply, you take short quick forceful huffs." These quick contractions from the diaphragm quickly expel the air-and the anger. "This works really well, especially with kids," says Borkovich, "They love it! I get them to stand in a martial arts warrior pose. Then I teach them the rhythm of staccato-the rhythm of anger."

ACTION POINTS:

This week, I invite you to try the following:

• Practice breathing. It sounds silly, but may of us have forgotten how to breathe properly. Slowly take a deep breath. Allow your tummy to relax and expand with the breath. While you do this, try to think a calming thought, or repeat a mantra to yourself. Some people find silently repeating something like, "In with the anger ... out with love and forgiveness" works well.
• Identify three situations or events that normally trigger a reaction. What is your typical reaction? Now ask yourself what is going on? What is the feeling or underlying belief causing this reaction? Using last week's power tool, can you create a new perspective and change this belief? How else could you choose to respond the next time this occurs?

  Common "Trigger" Events	Reaction	Response
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• Help your kids. Notice times and situations that cause your children to react. Help them to identify these "trigger situations" & discuss alternatives for "next time".