Peer Pressure |
Helping your teen resist negative peer pressure
Peer pressure is a part of every teen's life, and although positive peer pressure has its benefits, negative pressure can be one of the most difficult parts of growing up for some teens. Judy Halassy is a Youth Social Worker with the Community Health Centre, a program of the Atlantic Health Sciences Corporation that offers a wide range of programs, including several health promotion and personal development programs geared specifically to teens. She says "the best way to help our teens resist peer pressure is by teaching them how to be confident with who they are, and to help them become self-aware."
Recently, I had the opportunity to chat with Judy regarding negative peer pressure and teens. I asked her to offer suggestions to parents on how to promote confidence and self-awareness in teens that will help them deal with negative peer pressure.
- Spend Quality Time with Your Teen: Although it's normal for your teen to want to spend a lot of time with friends, it's important that parents spend quality time with them as well. Try to "tap into" your teenagers' interests, even if they differ from yours. Attend their games, school plays or activities, for example, and use the opportunity to have an informal chat. Teens want clear signs that their parents love and care about them through physical signs of affection and hearing "I love you".
- Practice Good Communication: We all want to be listened to, and it's no different for teenagers; in fact, it has been proven that lecturing teens accomplishes very little. It's important that parents practice positive listening and talking skills; by showing you are listening, you will also keep them talking to you. Teens need to feel that their parents are approachable and open-minded; otherwise, they won't share what is going on in their lives.
- Respect: Teens need their parents to listen and respect their ideas and opinions, and feel supported when they are making decisions. Encourage your teen to think about the effects of the decisions they make; this will teach them to solve problems, and the ability to solve problems is one of the characteristics of good self-esteem.
- Cultivate their Self-Awareness: A common reason why many teens succumb to negative peer pressure is that they aren't sure how they feel about an issue or situation. Promoting self-awareness with your teen will help them build confidence on having their own opinion. For example, using the opportunity to ask them how they feel about something will begin the process of helping them explore their feelings on thoughts and values. By getting them to "reflect" on something they will start to think about how they feel, and be more comfortable having an opinion. When we encourage our children to talk about their feelings, we raise more self-confident and aware teens that are in a better situation to ward off negative peer pressure.
- Set Boundaries: Positive discipline and setting limits gives children a sense of security. Often teens complain that they don't feel they are being treated equally in regard to their siblings, so consequences and rules need to be fair and consistent. Try to keep the number of rules to a minimum by focusing on the major areas of concern, and continue to revisit and negotiate the consequences and rules, as you teen grows older.
- Accountability: As hard as it can be to watch your child make a mistake, it's extremely important that we allow them to learn from their mistakes and learn to take responsibility for their actions. If your teen gets in trouble with a teacher at school for instance, they will never learn if they don't experience the natural consequences for their behaviour. Teens recognize responsibility as a quality of adulthood, and like to take on responsibility and make decisions - allow your teen to have these opportunities providing it isn't harmful to them.
- Give Encouragement: Offer your teen encouragement when you see them struggling with something; positive encouragement will give them a boost and help them feel good about themselves when they are trying to achieve.
- Praise when Appropriate: When your teen works hard and has accomplished a goal, be sure to offer them praise when they deserve it. But at the same time, Judy Halassy cautions parents not to over praise. "Often we see parents trying so hard to help their kids feel good about themselves that they overdo it. Kids know the difference between deserved and artificial praise - if they feel they are being praised for something they haven't done, they may feel that they will not measure up."
- Nurturing Competencies: Children need to be provided with opportunities for success. One of the factors that contributes to good self-esteem is their achievements and how they perceive them. The earlier you nurture your child's hobbies and interests, the more opportunities they will have for success - and once a teen succeeds, it brings on a good feeling about themselves. If your teen doesn't show any interest in hobbies or activities, help them find their niche and nurture that interest. The more interests your teen has, the less they will be bored and get into trouble.
- Trust: Telling your teen that you trust them is very powerful - unless there is an apparent reason why you shouldn't. Teens often rebel as a result of not having enough opportunities to make decisions and experiencing the consequences of those decisions. When a teen feels trusted, they feel more independent and less need to rebel.
- Use Humour: Teens value a sense of humour in their parents. Although parenting is a serious role, appropriate humour can often help resolve a difficult situation.
- Take Time for You: Finally, it's important that parents take time for self-care and personal time. When you refuel yourself, you'll be in a better state of mind to do parenting and be a better role model. Our children copy behaviours they see, so being good role models goes a long way in helping our teens resist negative peer pressure.
