Positive Self Image - Postpartum

Related Content

• Pregnancy & Childbirth
• Post Partum Survival Guide

By Ann Douglas

While many women manage to make it through pregnancy and delivery with their self-image relatively intact, it is common for many of these women to feel their self confidence slipping away during the postpartum period. Ann Douglas, author of The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby, takes a look at the emotional impact of the time after birth.

Confidence in your body It is hard to imagine any period in a woman's life which is more demanding of her both physically and emotionally. Not only is her body experiencing tremendous changes as it returns to its non-pregnant self, but she is simultaneously struggling to adjust to the many changes in her life.

The first thing she must come to terms with is, of course, her birth experience. Many women have a specific birth plan in mind when they go into labour, and may experience extreme disappointment if the reality of their delivery in no way measures up to the birth plans that they nurtured in their hearts as their babies grew in their bellies. Many women feel a sense of inadequacy, for example, if their plans for an unmedicated birth were suddenly shattered by the need for an emergency caesarean. It is not enough for these women to be told that they should just be happy because they ended up with a beautiful, healthy baby; they should be allowed to grieve for the loss of what they had hoped for.

You and Your Changing Body

Women also have to come to terms with their physical appearance. The first time a woman sees herself naked after delivery can be quite a shock. Many women are not realistic about what a postpartum body should look like, and are often devastated when they see the sagging belly or the stretch marks. "I hated my postpartum body," confesses Marie-Lane Smith, a Waterloo, Ontario, mother of two. Always conscious about the size of her hips, Marie was horrified to discover that pregnancy and childbirth had only compounded the problem. While it took her a while to find the time to join a fitness club, for Marie, that was the best thing she ever did in terms of starting to feel good about herself once again. She joined a women's health club with on-site babysitting, and was soon feeling stronger and more in touch with her body, and thrilled by the rapid loss of inches from her hips. Getting exercise during the postpartum period is "almost imperative," says Marie. "You've got to get exercise and eat well because you're not going to get a lot of sleep. I wish I had taken the step of joining a health club earlier."

Still, even a rigorous exercise program is not going to undo overnight what nine months of pregnancy has done to your body, so it is important for women to be realistic about what postpartum bodies are supposed to look like. Many new mothers comment that they feel "out of shape" when exactly the opposite is true; they are in perfect shape for having just had a baby. Still, in a society which equates slimness with beauty, is it any wonder that many postpartum women have a difficult time coming to terms with their bodies?

The End of An Era

The end of pregnancy also can be a source of sadness for many women, particularly for those who felt extremely positively about their pregnancy experience. At the same time, after the birth, the focus almost invariably shifts from mother to baby. She is no longer as important or as interesting as the baby she carried, or so it might seem to the new mother. The best remedy for this is for friends and family "to mother the mother," says Hunking, and to recognize the important role she played in the birth process. "We forget the hard work that she did. We forget that women work hard to give birth."

Breastfeeding Moms

Women who choose to breastfeed their infants are often subject to a great deal of hostility which may also impact upon their self-image, says Hunking. For many women, their ability to breastfeed is really tied up with their feelings of adequacy as a mother. For this reason, breastfeeding women are extremely vulnerable to remarks by others. Women with small breasts, for example, may find themselves being subject to remarks which basically amount to criticisms of their ability to feed their infants.

Diane Wolf, a Peterborough, Ontario, mother of three, recalls how devastated she was when the doctor who delivered her first child in Germany discouraged her attempts at breastfeeding by informing her that "redheads can't breastfeed." Her confidence shattered, she reluctantly switched her daughter to a bottle. Her inability to breastfeed her first child was a source of great disappointment to her until the birth of her second child. Happily, however, a move to Canada led her to switch doctors prior to the birth of her second child, and, with a lot of encouragement from her new practitioner, she went on to not only successfully breastfeed her second child but her third as well.

Diane's experience shows how crucial it is for breastfeeding women to receive ongoing support and reassurance. Unfortunately, such assistance is not always readily forthcoming. "Breastfeeding women do not get nearly the positive support that they need," says Hunking. "There is so much hostility to the breastfeeding woman in our culture. It's changing, but it's very, very slow change."

A Major Adjustment

Finding yourself at home alone with a new baby for the first time can also be quite a challenge. If she has always been an active participant in the workforce, a new mother may feel lost during her first weeks at home with a new baby. She may feel frightened by her increased dependency on her partner, and may feel frustrated by her inability to accomplish what once seemed to be simple tasks (i.e. housework, meal preparation) while caring for a baby.

In their book The Second Nine Months, Judith M. Gansberg and Arthur P. Mostel discuss the significant adjustment that postpartum women must make if they are to regain their feelings of self-worth: "One of the first things a new mother must learn to do before she can really build up her self-esteem and feel fully human again is to treat herself like a worthwhile person. That includes a whole range of things... - whatever makes her feel good about her physical appearance and wellbeing. But getting yourself together also requires a kind of mental exercise - the development of perspective on what is really important and necessary, what can be put off, what can realistically be accomplished, and what the woman needs to stay in balance emotionally."

Friends and family have a critical role to play during the postpartum period, and women need to learn how to accept their offers of help. "It's a time when a lot of people do offer a lot of help, and I think it's a time when women should accept it, and be directive about what is helpful to them," says Hunking.

Making Yourself the Priority

Hunking feels that the first six weeks postpartum are crucial in that they often set the tone of things for the entire first year. "Let yourself sleep when you need to sleep," she advises. "There are so many other things to do, but taking care of yourself in the postpartum is also a really, really important thing to do. Many women are made to feel that they aren't allowed to have that rest.

"If you aren't allowed to recuperate and recover and take the time to process this magnificent event, it's really hard to catch up. Women deserve the time to process everything on a physical level and an emotional level. They deserve that time. Friends and families need to start giving postpartum women that time."

For Marie Lane-Smith, the hardest part of the postpartum period for her was learning to give herself permission to nurture herself, even if that sometimes meant thinking of her own needs before those of her child. "I learned that the baby's survival depends on the mother's survival," she explains. "It was hard to see that after the first baby. I had to take care of myself, or the whole family would suffer. It was truly a matter of survival."

Peterborough, Ontario, mother of two Jennifer Massie agrees. "On the outside, it may seem like the baby is the priority, but, really, you're the priority because you're the baby's food supply. Besides, your mental health affects the baby's mental health. You have to make yourself the priority.