Preparing Your Children for a Half-Sibling

Today's Family Man

By Gregory Keer

Having a baby with a new partner is both wonderful and stressful, for you and the children of your first relationship. My parents divorced when I was 11 and I've since been part of two blended families. As a kid, the thought of my mom or dad having other kids did concern me, but now that I'm a parent myself, I see the peaks and valleys more clearly. Here are five suggestions to help dads prepare their children for a new baby.

1) Be sure your kids know your partner real well.
Perhaps you've taken care of this already, but be careful to strengthen that relationship. You want your children to feel comfortable in your house and around your partner. That will facilitate the incorporation of families as opposed to making them feel too distinct.

2) Start with your oldest.
Talk to your eldest and explain how much you love her and plan to give her a lot of your time even though a new child is on the way. You can be honest and say that, in the beginning, you might be a little busy and tired, but you can also test her out regarding helping with the baby. Does she want to help clothe and feed her (with your supervision)? This can go a long way toward making her feel that the baby is as much hers (as a sibling) as she is yours.

3) Give your youngest a stroller and a doll.
Even if he's a boy, help a toddler "play daddy" in preparation for the baby. Have him touch your partner's belly and talk to the baby too. He's may be quite young to process everything, but he might feel jealous (he'll show it if he does feel it). Again, assure him of his place in your heart and your schedule.

4) Recognize their anxiety.
Anxiety in your children may very well occur. This happens in so-called "nuclear" families as well as blended ones. The key is not in trying to erase the worries, but to acknowledge them. Go through their questions and constantly reassure them that they are major parts of your life. Be certain to schedule regular time with your kids as a unit, but also think about doing one-on-one time with each (again, something every father should consider, regardless of the situation).

5) Be good to yourself.
You are doing a beautiful thing by having this baby. Your children will see you nurturing another child and sharing it with them. This will enhance their connection with you, if not immediately, then in the long run. As long as you integrate your kids into the new configuration and be very involved in their lives, things can be quite nice. And don't forget, the happier you are in your life as an individual, the happier you will be with your children.