Replenish thyself: Steering clear of parent burnout

By Ann Douglas

You wouldn’t dream of heading out on a lengthy road trip with your car’s gas tank running on empty. Odds are you’d run out of fuel long before you ever reached your destination. And yet we parents are often guilty of allowing our parenting reserves to run on empty for far too long—something that puts us at risk of parent burnout.

If you are no longer getting a lot of enjoyment out of parenting or are experiencing persistent feelings of resentment towards your children, you may be experiencing parent burnout. Other symptoms of parent burnout include irritability, anger, frustration, sadness, emptiness, and exhaustion. There can be physical symptoms, too, including difficulty sleeping, difficulty concentrating, headaches, backaches, gastrointestinal problems, lethargy, cardiovascular problems, and skin conditions.

Doing battle with parent burnout

Once you’re battling parent burnout, how do you turn the situation around? By taking better care of yourself, that’s how. Here are a few suggestions.

Set the parenting bar high, but not too high, for yourself.
Parents with perfectionist tendencies are at higher risk for burnout. There’s no such thing as perfection when it comes to the art and science of childrearing, so cut yourself some slack and you’ll find parenting a whole lot more enjoyable, and you’ll be less likely to burn out.

Don’t try to do it all.
Unless you want to start looking and sounding like Bree on Desperate Housewives, let some of the non-essentials go. Who says you have to keep your house immaculate, serve up gourmet dinners, and otherwise shoot for perfection in every area of your life? None of us can do it all. Most of us find that we have to let some things go in order to have the time and energy to invest in parenting. The moral of the story? Don’t feel like a failure just because you’ve taken in a few dust bunnies as tenants.

Don’t let multitasking make you crazy.
While time management gurus like to talk up the benefits of doing five things at once, living life at hyper speed can leave you feeling five times as stressed at the end of the day—and only one-fifth as happy. Besides, some tasks, like reading a bedtime story to a preschooler or breastfeeding a baby, can’t be done in the fast-lane, even if you wanted to. Don’t be afraid to slow your life down to a saner pace.

Put your parenting support team in place.
Connect with other moms and dads who can offer you support and encouragement as you tackle the mother—and father—of all challenges: raising kids.

Finally, give up on that crazy notion that says that “good parents” have to be on duty 24/7.
Sometimes taking a brief timeout from the mommy or daddy trenches is the greatest gift you can give to your kids. If taking that break leaves you feel relaxed and renewed and ready to give parenting your all again, don’t you owe it to your family to take that break?

The Pause That Refreshes: Seven Fabulous Daytrips for Moms

You’ve arranged for a family member or a friend to step into the motherhood trenches for a day so that you can indulge in some serious R&R. Here’s the scoop on seven fabulous daytrips for moms in the GTA.

1. Seeing Stars: If you love watching movies and you’re passionate about all things Canadian, you’ll want to make a bee-line for the National Film Board’s Mediatheque (www.nfb.ca/mediatheque; 416-973-3012). The Mediatheque allows you to watch NFB films on personal viewing stations, buy or rent videos and DVDs, or to attend film screenings and classes in the on-site cinema.
2. Pop Culture Fantasy: If you love to learn about the history of pop culture, get yourself down to the PLASTIC exhibit at Design Exchange (www.dx.org ; 416-363-6121) before February 6th. You’ll learn about how plastic has changed the way we live, eat, dress, and travel. Very fun stuff.
3. The Great Outdoors: Bundle up, pack yourself a thermos of really good coffee, and head for High Park or one of the GTA’s other noteworthy parks (www.city.toronto.on.ca/parks) for a day of hiking, nature photography, or whatever other outdoor activity nurtures your soul.
4. Just Say Spa: If a day of serious pampering is in order and your budget can swing a trip to a day spa, contact Premier Spas of Ontario to inquire about their current offerings for moms (www.spasontario.ca; 800-990-7702). If that kind of expenditure is definitely out of the question, go the home spa route instead: make a pit stop at Lush’s Yorkville or Queen Street stores in the GTA (www.lush.ca) and plan to hit the tub when you get home.
5. Queen for a Day: If you want to treat yourself to a soothing break that won’t break the bank, go for afternoon tea at a hotel or restaurant. Bring along a novel or magazine that you’ve been itching to dive into and enjoy it at a leisurely pace. If you want the ultimate in decadent tea-drinking experiences (an experience that will truly leave you feeling like royalty), go for high tea at the Windsor Arms Hotel (www.windsorarmshotel.com; 416-971-9666).
6. If The Shoe Fits: If you’ve got more shoes in your closet than Imelda Marcos did in her heyday, spend your day at the Bata Shoe Museum (www.batashoemuseum.ba; 416-979-7799). You’ll find more than 10,000 pairs of footwear to drool over, including a pair owned by Sir Elton himself.
7. Step Back in Time: If your TV is permanently parked on the history channel, perhaps a visit to one of Toronto’s countless historical sites would be more up your alley. In addition to Casa Loma (www.casaloma.org; 416-923-1171), there’s the Grange Historical House, the Campbell House Museum, and Colborne Lodge and numerous other sites (www.torontotourism.com) .