Setting Limits

Related Content

• Teen Years

By Kaila Reid

My name is Tracy Reid and I am the very proud mom of an almost 13 year old daughter. She recently wrote a paper for her school and it touched my heart and made me realize that even though we don't think we are getting the message to them, we sure are doing something right. Kaila was asked to answer this question and received an A+ grade for her efforts.

WHY DO WE NEED PARENTS TO SET LIMITS?

We need parents to set limits because children require structure and boundries, so they grow up to be adults with good morals and values. They then, hopefully, pass these good morals and values on to their children.

There is a saying "children learn what they live," this is very true because if you swear at home then kids grow up believing that it is okay as they have heard it on a daily basis growing up. Where as if a child is raised with parents who use proper manners and do not swear they follow that example.

Having rules and boundries makes a child feel safe and secure. If they do not have rules they do not feel that their parents care. As kids we always think our parents are too strict but in the long run we realize why they did it and are happy we turned out the way we did.

Some children rebel and disobey the rules laid down by parents because the parents do not treat the child as a person. What I mean by this is children are people too, they are just in smaller bodies. As I said above children learn what they live and if you show a child respect and explain why you are setting certain rules they will be respectful in return. It is important for children to have a voice and know their opinion matters.

In our family we have monthly meetings where we all come to the meeting with ideas and things we would like to change or discuss. My parents believe that if my sisters and I help to set up the boundaries and give our opinions about certain issues than we are more likely to follow the rules. I think many kids do not follow the rules, because they believe their parents think they are the boss and become very controlling. Nobody can force a child to do anything. You may punnish them or take away a privelige if they disobey, but you can not force a child to follow rules. It is important to allow the children to have a voice, an opinion and share their feelings when setting limits. This makes the child feel important and they feel you respect them so they want to behave to please you.

I think there are three types of parents. The first set of parents are very strict and they do not allow the child any space or freedom. This is ok until the child finally gets a little freedom and then they go crazy trying to do everything they think they missed out on and get into a lot of trouble. The second type, are the parents who say they are their childrens friends. They are too easy on the kids and let them do whatever they want. The child does not learn any rules and boundaries and will struggle when they get into a job after school and are expected to follow the bosses orders. These children do not know when to stop or say no because they have always been given exactly what they wanted. The third type of parents are the ones that I have. They are not too strict and not too easy they are somewhere in the middle. My parents teach us how to think and don't tell us what to think. My moms favourite saying is "Use your own good judgement". This teaches me how to set my own boundaries and makes me feel like my choices and decisions are important.

I am glad I have the parents I do and I hope when I become a parent I will become just like them!

by Kaila Reid
Newmarket, Ontario