Seven Simple Mommy Time-Outs for Calming Quick Tempers - (Including Yours)

Excerpt: 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know: Getting Back to Basics and Raising

By Michele Borba

Sure motherhood is wonderful, but sometimes don't you feel more like a hamster on a wheel--going round and round just trying to keep your family's schedules straight? Let's face it: mothering can be stressful, but unless we find a way to stop that tension from building, anger is inevitable. We can't kid ourselves: our anger does affect our children. The good news is there are strategies that will help reduce stress so you stay more in control. Here are seven secrets that help you remain calmer, and keep your household more peaceful. The trick is discovering what works best for you, and then practicing it until it becomes a habit.

1. Give yourself a time-out. Stress comes right before anger and we usually have only seconds to stop that pressure buildup. So tune into your stress signals (a pounding heart, your clenched fists, the grinding teeth, your raised voice), and then act. "Mommy needs a time-out." Then turn and walk, sip water slowly, or take deep breaths. Do whatever it takes to get back in control even if you need to lock yourself in your bathroom a few minutes.

2. Use "Calm Talk." Lean to say a simple message to yourself to control your temper. "Stop and calm down." "Stay in control." Or: "I can handle this." Choose a phrase, and then rehearse it a few times each day until you can use it. One mom wrote her calm down phrase on a card and stuck it in her diaper bag. (Her baby was a real "mover and shaker" and changing him was a challenge). As soon as she opened the bag, she'd see the card. It reminded her to calm down, and so she did.

3. Take five. My girlfriend reduces her motherhood stress by listening to a soothing CD of rain sounds. Whenever she feels her "Wicked Witch of the North" mode approaching, Sharon quickly retreats to her bedroom, closes the door, turns on the tape, plops on her bed, and zones out-that is, for five minutes. She says those few minutes help her regain control so she feels calmer. Another friend has her mother phone her preschooler at four o'clock each afternoon so she can "take five."

4. Teach: "Stop and Breathe." The second you feel you're losing control, take a deep, slow breath or two or three. Getting oxygen into your brain is one of the fastest ways to relax. I used this strategy with my kids, they'd remind me that my patience-level was on a nose-dive. "Mom, 'Stop and Breathe', they'd chime. (Such sweet little helpers. If they could only recognize their own stress signs).

5. Imagine something calming. Think of a person or place that helps you feel calm and peaceful-your Honey, that special romantic spot, the beach, your bed. The second you feel your stress building, close your eyes and think of the person or your calm place while breathing slowly.

6. Elevator breathing. Close your eyes, slowly breath out three times, then imagine you're in an elevator on the top of a very tall building. Press the button for the first floor and watch the buttons for each level slowly light up as the elevator goes down. As the elevator descends, your stress fades away.

7. Stress melting. Find the spot in your body where you feel the most tension; perhaps your neck, shoulder muscles, or jaw. Gently close your eyes, concentrate on the spot, tense it up for three or four seconds, and then let it go. While doing so, imagine the stress slowly melting away.

Anger management isn't just for Mommies. Why not get your whole family involved in learning one of these secrets to help them cope with stress and quick tempers? Just choose one strategy, announce your intentions, and show everyone how it works. If you practice it as a family you'll have not only a calmer you, but a more peaceful household.