Slaying the Homework “Beast”

How to stop the daily quarrels with your kids

By Sasha Korper

Fall means back to school, and though kids love to learn, most of them don’t love homework. The very word conjures up nasty images of monotonous exercises. Too often, the dreaded “homework beast” becomes larger than life, situating itself at the very heart of regular household quarrels. Yet, there are simple ways to tame the “beast” and make study time more fun for everyone.

Stay connected
Parents see homework as a brainy activity, but how kids feel when they get down to work is even more important than what they’re thinking. Taking time to connect with your son/daughter after a long school day helps ground them so they can approach homework with a more relaxed, positive attitude.

Engage in a chat at snack-time, play a game or go for a walk together, avoiding interrogation-style questioning that might shut kids down. Instead of asking an open-ended question, such as, “How was school?” try “It was so sunny today, I bet it was perfect for _____” (soccer, tag, etc.).

Here are some other ways to keep the channels of communication open:

Encourage your child’s natural storytelling abilities – do this by showing an interest in his/her experiences, commenting on events, expressing curiosity, and drawing out details, “And then what happened?”

Play 2 roses and a thorn. This game helps kids express both their daily successes and their disappointments. Ask them to tell you about two good things and one bad thing that happened during the day. Role-playing different people and events from the school day can help extract the humour from a negative experience.
& Validate feelings – empathizing with negative emotions, such as anger, helps kids feel heard, enabling them to let go of their ‘bad day’ more quickly. Instead of questioning “why”, try commenting, “Hmmm, that would be upsetting.”

Make it a habit

It takes between three and six weeks to create a new habit. So in a very short time, you and your child can be on the road to easier, smoother, after-school study time. The first trick is to make homework a regular thing, a little like brushing your teeth – doing it is not an option, but there are some choices about where, when and how it gets done that your child can make. This will empower your child to take responsibility for his/her own daily learning.

Establish a daily routine and stick to it – children thrive on ritual, so agree on one that works for the whole family and it is less likely to be disrupted.

Maintain sequence – study time is consistently “before” or “after” other daily events like dinner, eliminating the challenge of shifting schedules. Ordering each homework task can help too – difficult stuff first, science before math, etc.

Pick a spot – have your child help pick a specific study area that works best for him/her. Stay away from high traffic zones and distractions like TV, but remember that some kids study better with company.

Do it with style

Uncovering your child’s preferred learning style can take a bit of detective work, but it’s sure to yield positive results when it comes to homework. Observe his/her likes, dislikes, interests and preferences, and extrapolate from there. Ask yourself questions such as: Is she always on the move? (kinesthetic learner); Does he love drawing and puzzles? (visual learner); or Does he prefer being told instructions rather than reading them? (auditory learner).

Have your child try the following techniques, which individualize study methods and environment to match learning style – changing a futile homework effort into a fruitful one:

Personalize – think about new ways to approach assignments: model ideas in clay, act out concepts, mind-map with software, write standing up, play relaxing music, or take short breaks.

Organize – remember the adage, “a place for everything and everything in its place”. Maintaining external order will support internal, ordered thinking.

Visualize – pre-plan projects, assignments and presentations in detail using a calendar and a visual outline. Review learned material regularly for reinforcement.
These few years in school may seem endless to a 10-year-old, but we know how brief a time it is. By making some small adjustments in our approach to homework, we can help change a daily struggle into a labour of love.