Talking to your child about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs

Related Content

• Teen Years

By Dan Reist

Discussing any topic with tween or young teen can be difficult. Sometimes it’s tough to simply start a conversation, let alone get an important message across,without losing your child’s attention (or losing your temper). This is especially true when it comes to more sensitive subjects, such as substance use.

While there’s no one-size-fits-all way to talk to a child about tobacco, alcohol and other drugs, there are some things you can do to prepare for whatever questions and comments come your way.

• Be clear about your own substance-related beliefs and values.
• Ask yourself if and when you would accept smoking and drinking in your house.
• Think about your views about cannabis and other illicit substances, and consider why you hold those beliefs.
• Think about what messages you’re sending your teen by your own tobacco, alcohol and other drug use patterns and attitudes.

When it comes to having an actual conversation, embrace the opportunity to be open, honest and in tune with your child. It’s a gift to be able to share your heart and wisdom about important issues that surround them everyday, now and in the future.

• Clearly express your expectations about your child’s use of tobacco, alcohol and other drugs. If you give a mixed message, or if you actually believe it’s okay if they smoke or drink, you can probably expect that they’ll use substances too. Keep in mind that tweens and young teens (up to age 15) are still developing physically, mentally and emotionally. Substance use of any kind can hinder their development.
• Talk openly about the teen experience, including situations where using substances might be an option. Discuss potential benefits and consequences of accepting offers for tobacco, alcohol or other drugs. Make sure your child knows that the choice is theirs, not their friends’, and that with that choice are consequences.
• Give your teen the opportunity to tell their story and situation. Resist assuming you know exactly what is happening in their world.
• Keep in mind the teen mind. Research suggests teens respond best to examples of short-term harms. That is, telling a teen that smoking gives them bad breath will have more impact than only telling them they’ll get cancer.
• Consider the negative side of scare tactics. Some young teens will dismiss scare tactics and exaggerations, especially if they contradict their own experiences. For example, “try marijuana once and you’ll be hooked for life” might not be a realistic statement. All your child has to do is look around to find examples that contradict what you’re saying. If they find flaw with your views on drugs, your child may end up questioning everything you say.

If you’re concerned about how you might be coming across to your child, try keeping in mind the basics.

• Be curious about your child’s developing opinions.
• Talk about yourself sometimes, instead of your teen. Young teens often don’t like being the only topic under discussion. When it makes sense, tell them about your own teen memories and mistakes.
• Be respectful of your child’s point of view. You don’t have to agree with your child, but it’s helpful to avoid reacting angrily or negatively to what they have to say.
• Avoid going into “lecture mode.” Your child will likely tune out if you do all the talking and load the conversation with “you’d better” and “you’d better not” statements.
• Take advantage of strange times for talking. You never know when an important question is going to pop up in your child’s head. It could happen while you’re strolling down the grocery aisle or weaving through afternoon traffic. If you’re able to safely take on a conversation during an inconvenient time, go for it. If not, tell your child you think the question is really important and would love to talk more about it when you get home and can focus better.