Talking to Your Kids After School |
What did you do at school today? Never in the history of family relations have so few words caused so much turmoil. This simple phrase can cause a child to clam up and a parent to tear her hair out.
Whether it's their first day in Kindergarten or they're seasoned elementary seniors, questions such as, What was your day like? How is your teacher? Do you have much homework?, can often be answered with a one word response. As parents we naturally want to know what our child is doing in school and in turn kids, believe it or not, feel more secure knowing their parents care.
So, the next time you try to approach the subject of school consider these four "T" word guidelines. They can help get your child to speak up and share the details of their school life.
TONE
The trick to any good conversation is to encourage the other party to participate and the same rule applies for drawing children into a discussion. The tone of voice you use, along with your body language, can set the proper atmosphere. If you come across agitated and loud your child will naturally retreat. Your forcefulness will only make the child feel she's been interrogated.
Try approaching with a low, even toned voice that is welcoming and reassuring. Speak slowly and encourage your child to participate by using open-ended sentences.
TIMING
The most important thing you can do is make yourself available when your child does come to you to talk. Even if you're rushing out the door to work or on an important telephone call, be sure to acknowledge your child's request and set a time to have your chat. Many kids prefer to talk about school immediately after their school day is over, and the day's events are fresh in their minds.
If you drive your child home or walk home together use this time to approach the subject. If you're a working parent try to arrange a regular telephone time from your office when you can discuss the day's happenings. You may also want to use your time at the dinner table to open up the discussion or wait until bedtime, when things are quite and you both have a few moments to spend together.
TOPIC
Don't "attack" your child with a barrage of questions to begin with. When a child is bombarded with questions he often feels that he is being tested and not trusted. Unfortunately, starting the conversation off as you might with an adult usually doesn't work with a child. Using general questions like, "What did you do at school today?" just don't cut it.
When trying to get a child to open up use more detail in your questions. "How do you think you did on the math test?" or "Did you talk to your teacher about that math question you were having trouble with?' By leading your child into the conversation you will eventually get him to talk about what's on his mind.
TREATMENT
The best way to interact with your child is to be a "active and responsive listener" who not only hears what is being said, but responds to it. Try to repeat back what your child has told you, using as much detail as possible. This assures him that you are listening and you understand his dilemma. Respond to your child's comments appropriately and try to imagine yourself in his shoes.
Often children may not even be looking for an answer per say, just a platform on which to voice their concerns and opinions.
