Teenagers and Birthdays

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• Teen Years

By Phyllis Threinen

Teens are precious. No longer children, not quite adult. They may not ask for, or even want a family celebration or get together. They almost always want to celebrate with friends, however.

What teens don't understand yet, is that while their friends will come and go, change and move in and out of their lives, their family will always be their family. A family shares a history that every child at some time wants, and needs to remember. (Many adult children have felt twinges of regret that they didn't help more at home or get to know their siblings and parents better. So make time for the family - particularly for birthday celebrations.

Because the parent is the adult you can see the bigger picture. You know how important "family" is. But you also know how strong the social currents pull, in your teens' life.

So it sounds reasonable then to have some kind of family celebration that the family initiates, as well as a birthday party with friends, that the birthday teen plans and organizes within your guidelines and limitations. ( Budget, Amount of people, Curfew, etc.)

I've always admired and secretly envied those cultures that honor traditional rites of passage. Many cultures publicly celebrate the passage of a young boy into manhood. (These rituals and traditions are so much more dignified, than the suggested sexual and macho innuendoes about manhood that teenagers learn about at the movies.)

We can certainly celebrate our daughters passage into womanhood as well with rites of passage.

A celebration of passage can be instrumental in boosting the self-esteem of a teen. A teenage birthday, particulary a 16th or 18th, is a perfect time (for those of us without such traditions) to give our child a celebration of passage.

This type of celebration can be done with the family breaking bread together (special meal) and with toasts to the birthday boy/girl from different members of the family. (How about a prayer of thankfulness?) This is a time to declare that our child is growing up and a time to celebrate their life as a gift to our family.

A family heirloom, photo album of old photo's, necklace or ring passed down from generation to generation, family portraits or something special of this nature is a wonderful gift for a teen. (They would probably prefer tickets to a rock concert but in time concerts will become a faint memory but the family heirloom and memories will become more dear!)

Just as a family celebration serves its purposes by helping children connect with family, a birthday party serves its purpose by helping our children connect socially.

We parent in an age where cults and gangs flourish using the psychology of "family" to prey on kids who feel alone and disconnected. Rites and Celebrations of Passage help our children connect to their families. Birthday parties help our children connect with their friends. Both celebrations are underestimated in their power to teach and connect our children to those things which are healthy and wholesome. Take time to give your kids these special days. They need to be lovingly reminded, that they are so important. And sometimes we need those reminders, too!