The Best of Times: Communicating With Your Children |
The most important thing is to share ALL the times with them, the good and the bad.
As a parent, I want to share the best of times with my kids. A mother's joy is to see her children grow, and be happy. The best of times are, well, the best. We wish they could all be that way. No troubles, no worries, no teenage angst.
In a perfect world, that is the way it would be. If only . . .
But, then, reality sets in. The fears, the anxieties, the lessons learned, and those waiting to be learned. And, then, there are the kids' fears and anxieties. Yes, as parents, we worry more about them than they worry about themselves.
The most important thing is to share all the times with them, the good and the bad. Communication is the key to successful parenting. Great, you are probably thinking, how do we manage that in these busy times?
Okay, it's not always easy, but there are ways to do it.
First, ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Instead of "Did you have a good day?" try asking, "What was your day like?" Do this while you are chopping vegetables, jotting down the grocery list, or some other task. Now, it may seem like you are ignoring them, but to the child, it's not quite as intimidating to talk with you if you are not staring at them like this is the Spanish Inquisition. Once the conversation is moving a little bit, you can stop what you are doing, or ask them to join in.
Another great time to talk, is when you are tucking them in at night. Sometimes, when they are warm in their bed, safe and secure, surrounded by the dark, they are able to confide their secret fears, their most intimate feelings. It's a great time to share your own thoughts and feelings with them. You can start a conversation out with, "What do you think about just before you fall asleep at night?" Most of the time, you'll get the standard kid reply, "I dunno."
This is your key to open up to them. "Sometimes, I think about what you will be like when you grow up. What kind of person you will be, what you will do for a living. What do you think you'd like to do?" Still no reply? Try this one, when I was a kid, I wanted to be President of the United States! Then I found out that Canadians can't be President. But, I could have been the Prime Minister of Canada . . ." Stop, and let the silence surround the two of you.
Silence can be your best friend when talking with your kids. It's easy to forget that we have two ears and only one mouth, which means, we should be listening twice as much as we talk. Once you have mastered the listening skills, you will find out far more by reading between the lines.
Another favourite spot to chat is in the car, on the way to school. Once again, you are somewhat occupied with a task that keeps you from making direct eye contact. There are lots of things going on around you, and, you can use things you spot to start a dialogue. "Wow, green hair! What do you think about having your hair green?" Or, "I wonder what it is like to walk around in those baggy pants!" Just give them a chance to start talking, and you'll be amazed at the things they know, or want to know.
The last step in communicating with your kids, is to be honest. Make a pact with them that you will be honest if they will. Even if it means telling them the mistakes you made as a kid, you can tell the truth. Just tell them what you learned from it, and how, you hope that they can learn from your blunders. After all, isn't that maybe why we made those blunders? To learn a lesson that we can pass along to our own kids? There has to be some kid of reason!
Just spend some time getting to know your kids. They are great people!
