The Difference Between Boys and Girls

By Armin Brott

Dear Mr. Dad: This might sound silly, but besides the biological stuff, are there really any differences between boys and girls?

A: Not a silly question at all. Back in the 1970s and 80s, it was politically correct to think that there were no real differences between boys and girls--except for the obvious anatomical ones, of course. Any behavioral differences were supposedly the result of socialization, and were imposed on children by their parents and their environment.

But more recently, researchers are starting to confirm what just about anyone with kids has known for years: boys and girls are different, and some of the differences are present in children's brains, perhaps even before they're born.

Boys are a little bigger than girls--about 10% heavier and longer at birth. Even after taking into account these size differences, first-time mothers spend almost 100 minutes longer in labor with a son than a daughter. This leads to increased birth trauma which may explain why boys tend to be a little more irritable in their first weeks outside the womb, crying more and sleeping less than girls.

Boys take in less sensory data than girls. They taste less, see less, and don't exhibit the same need to be touched that girls do. They also hear less in one ear than the other, meaning they can't pick up background noises as well as girls can. This may account for parents' later perceptions that boys tend to "ignore" more than girls. It may also account for why girls typically learn to speak before boys do, sometimes by as much as a year.

Girls and boys really do play differently, with the old stereotype holding true: Boys are rougher and more energetic, while girls like to pretend and mimic. Girls also seem to have a more developed sense of empathy than boys.

But the biggest differences between boys and girls might just be the way we treat them. Mothers, for example, respond more quickly to crying girls than to crying boys and breastfeed them longer. When girls have a difficult disposition, mothers tend to be more affectionate, holding and comforting them, but when boys are similarly fussy, both parents back off. While this all sounds pretty harmless, there may be some serious, long-term consequences. In one study, for example, boys who received more cuddling were found to have higher IQs than boys who didn't.

As our children grow, we remain more protective of girls than boys. When babies are just learning to walk, parents generally let their sons fall repeatedly, but will step in and pick up their daughters before they even hit the ground. And as I wrote about a few weeks ago in this columns, dads tend to be more rough and tumble with sons, but treat daughters more gingerly.

The upside of this kind of thing is that it encourages boys to be independent and teaches them to learn to solve their own problems without adult intervention. The downside, though, is that boys get less supervision and, as a result, are more likely to be injured than girls. As for girls, parents who step in to rescue their daughter before she is truly "stuck" not only deprive her of a chance to overcome obstacles on her own, but may also be sending the message that they have no faith in her ability to do so.

So the bottom line is that yes, boys and girls are different. But while some of the differences are biological, we have the power to monitor our own behavior to make sure that our kids' biology doesn't become their destiny. There's a big difference between playing quieter games with a girl and using her gender as an excuse to discourage her from getting involved in certain activities. Differences between the sexes doesn't mean that one gender is better or worse or smarter or dumber than the other.