Two Year Olds: 29 & 30 Months

Isn't it amazing how fast your toddler is learning new words? Learning language may be your child's most important new skill this year. You are helping. Every time you sing her a song, or say a nursery rhyme, your toddler learns about language, and learns that you enjoy language.

In their eagerness to help their children learn language, some parents forget that language goes two ways. Children must hear people use language. But they also need adults to listen and respond to their words.

Let your child tell you stories, "read" books to you, describe things she has seen, and answer your questions. Help her make up songs. Encourage her to play at rhyming words, or making up new words. Children who know more words, and use more complex sentences, have parents who elaborate on the child's words. When she says "cow," you can elaborate by saying: "Yes, it's a black and white Holstein cow, and she is eating grass." Show your child that what she says is important to you. Remember: Communication means talking and listening.

Helping Children Cooperate

How can parents help their children grow to be cooperative and well-behaved? Dr. Diana Baumrind, research psychologist at the University of California Institute of Human Development, has studied this question.

Her studies show that children who are most cooperative have parents who: are warm and loving, have firm rules, communicate clearly, explaining the reasons for their rules, and demand reasonably mature behavior. Dr. Baumrind found that this kind of guidance was more effective than parenting that is too bossy and rigid, or too passive and weak.

Toddlers Learn in Lots Of Ways.

• Let me use a sprinkler can or squeeze bottle to water outdoor plants. Think of other ways I could help outside.
• Give me my own flashlight. I'll enjoy turning it on, because I can push the switch with my thumb. I probably can't pull it back. Show me how to turn the flashlight around, so I can push the switch off.
• Take pictures of special times, and write the date on the back of the pictures. Even if you don't have a baby book for me, I will like looking at these pictures now and when I'm older.
• Turn off the radio and television. Listen with me to sounds around the house, like running water, the refrigerator motor, a ticking clock, or a wind chime. Tell me what the sounds are. Helping me learn to listen will help me learn language.

Good Times At Meal Times

Meal time is not just time to eat. It can be a time to talk, share and enjoy being with others. Family members can tell each other what has been happening at school, work or home. Even though your toddler may not talk well, let him take part. Ask him questions, and let him answer for himself.

Meal time is not a good time to discuss family problems about money, misbehavior, and the like. No one feels like eating when there is an argument going on. If this happens often, your child will begin to dread meals. He will eat as quickly as possible, and then want to leave the table. He may begin to have stomach aches because meal time is unpleasant.

During meals, think of things to talk about that will help everyone feel good about themselves and others. Talk about problems after the meal is over. If you are eating alone with your child, you can talk about the names of the foods on his plate, and the color and shape of each food. You can count how many foods there are on his plate. With a little imagination and planning, you and your toddler can make every meal a happy time.

Sibling Rivalry

My 2 1/2-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son fight constantly. It's driving me crazy. Why are they fighting, and what can I do about it? Sibling rivalry can be a problem, especially when young children are less than 3 years apart. The older child may be fairly content with his new brother or sister until the baby begins to crawl and walk. As you know, when your toddler begins to get into things, you have to pay more attention to her. When this happens, her older brother may feel you love him less.

To make things worse, your daughter can break and take away her older brother's toys. Let your older child know you understand and sympathize with his feelings. Suggest ways he can cope with his little sister without hurting her, for example: "See, you have a book to look at, too. Here is your book, Annie."

There is a difference between angry feelings -- which are OK -- and hurtful actions -- which are not OK. Keep your children from hurting each other, or each other's things. It does no good to make your older child feel guilty for feeling angry. After all, his feelings are normal and understandable. Tell him you will not let him hurt his sister, or let his little sister hurt him.

Here are some other ideas that can help:

• Plan some special time each day for each child. Even 15 minutes of your undivided attention can help. All children need to be shown this special love and care.
• Show you understand what each child is feeling. Say things like: "It really makes you angry when your sister won't respect your things." Help each child see how his or her behavior affects the other one.
• Make life easier for your older child. Don't heap praise on his little sister when he is there. Ask your friends and relatives to follow this advice, too.
• Try to be realistic about what your older child can do. You might be tempted to ask more from him at this time. You might expect him to be more responsible, patient, unselfish and grown up than he can be at his age.
• Protect his special toys. If he has one or two special toys he doesn't want to share with little sister, suggest a place he can keep them where she cannot reach.

When your children are fighting, don't try to decide which one is to blame. Keep them apart for a little while. If they are fighting over a toy, take the toy away from both of them. Then help them find something else to do.

Choosing a Preschool

Many parents begin thinking about providing a preschool experience for their child, even if they don't need child care. Consider these questions in choosing a preschool:

• Are you invited to watch in the classroom? Spending an hour or two in a class will show you what the school has to offer.
• Are the teachers willing to answer your questions?
• Will you be welcome to visit and observe at any time? You and your child's teachers and caregivers need to work together as a team to help your child grow.
• Do teachers seem to enjoy and respect the children?
• Is there hugging and warmth between the teachers and the children?
• Are there enough adults to provide good supervision and attention? Children's relationships with caregivers are important.
• Do the children seem happily involved in activities?
• Is there a balance of quiet and active play?
• Is there a balance of indoor and outdoor play? Children need variety in their daily lives.
• Does indoor play include music, art, water, dress-up, housekeeping, science, block building, books and puzzles?
• Does it also include toys for imaginative play such as trucks, cars and dolls?
• Are the rooms clean, safe and attractive? Children need to have lots of different chances to learn.
• Is there a safe outdoor area with enough equipment, like ladders, barrels, low slides, riding toys and swings to encourage activity and muscle development?
• Is there protection from the sun?
• Do you approve of the food they serve?

You will not be happy about your child's preschool unless you feel that your child is in a safe, healthy, nurturing place. The extra time it takes to find the right kind of care for your child will pay off in your own peace of mind, and in your child's development.

Child care centers require immunizations. If you are considering starting your child in a child care center, her immunizations (shots) must be up-to-date. You will need an immunization record that lists the dates of each immunization your child has had. The law says that child care centers must make sure all children have their immunizations. This protects your child, as well as the other children at the center. The child care center staff must see your child's record, so they can complete official records for their files. Your child's doctor or tribal maternal-child specialist will explain what is required, and help you keep the necessary records. If you haven't followed the recommended schedule so far, your child's health care provider can help you "catch up" now.

Homemade Toys That Teach

MODELING DOUGH

Modeling dough helps your toddler practice using his hands and fingers, and learn how to mold different shapes by patting, squeezing and rolling.

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 cups flour
• 1/2 cup salt
• 1 Tablespoon cream of tartar
• 3 Tablespoons cooking oil
• Up to 2 cups boiling water
• Food coloring
• Makes 3 cups
• (recipe can be doubled).

Making modeling dough
While water is coming to a boil, mix flour, salt and cream of tartar in a heat-safe bowl. Add oil to water. If you're only making one color, add the food coloring to the water as well. Otherwise, wait until the modeling dough has cooled to add colors. When the water-oil mixture comes to a boil, pour it into the dry ingredients and stir to mix well. Make sure your child is not underfoot when you do this. Cover the surface with plastic wrap, and let cool to room temperature. Knead to mix ingredients. For several colors, separate and knead in food coloring. Store in an airtight container, like a plastic bag. The modeling dough may keep for several weeks.

Playing
Put the modeling dough on a plastic placemat, and protect the floor from spills. Your toddler will enjoy having you near her when she plays with her modeling dough. You can give her ideas on how to squeeze, roll and pinch the dough. Add cookie cutters, a dull butter knife or small rolling pin to encourage your child's creativity. You might need to say: "This dough is for playing, not for eating." Store the modeling dough when children have runny noses. They can spread their illness to others too easily through shared dough.

BREAD DOUGH CREATIONS

Your 2-year-old has learned to roll, pinch, poke and mash bits of modeling dough with you. So why not make some creative snacks together? Use this recipe for a dough that your child can mold, cook and eat.

Ingredients

• 2 cups flour
• 3 Tablespoons cooking oil
• 1/2 cup water
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Making bread dough
Show your toddler how you both wash your hands before cooking. Measure the flour and salt into a large bowl. Add the oil, and rub it in until the mixture is like coarse oatmeal. Add the water, and blend with your fingers. Add more water if necessary to make a dough you can gather into a ball. Knead the dough for 10 minutes. Your toddler will enjoy punching and rolling the dough.

Playing
Divide the dough into small balls, and let your child create! Show her how to flatten it, cut holes with a table knife (help her with this so she doesn't cut herself), pinch up peaks, and stretch the dough. When she's all done, you can place her creations on a cookie sheet. Bake them in a 350° F oven for 10 minutes. Place on a rack to cool. When they're cool, enjoy showing off the creations, and eating them!

Games For Growing

FOLLOW ME!

Encourage your child's imagination and physical development.

How to play
This is a follow-the-leader game to play indoors or outdoors. Show your toddler funny ways you can move, and encourage her to imitate, following after you. Run fast, walk slow, gallop like a horse, shuffle like an elephant, flap like a duck. Take turns leading. Use your imagination! And encourage her imagination, as you both think of more and more different and funny ways to play.

WHAT'S IT FOR?

Help your child understand how things are used. This game also helps build your child's imagination and language skills. Materials Collect about 10 things that your child uses or has seen used, such as a shoe lace, a fork, a napkin, a comb, a key, eyeglasses, a spool of thread, a hammer, a paint brush, a pencil.

How to play
Pick up one item at a time and ask what it is used for. Give your child a turn to ask you what things are used for. You can play a silly version of this game, too, by asking a silly question about each thing you pick up. For example, pick up a cup, and ask if that is what you brush your teeth with.

DRAWING AROUND THINGS

Let your child practice using small hand muscles, and help him understand more about the shapes of things.

Materials
Different-shaped objects -- plastic cup, block, triangle, and so on
Stiff paper or paper pad Pencil or crayon

How to play
Sit in a comfortable place, and give your child a plastic cup to draw around. First, have him trace the edge of the cup with his finger. Then give him a pencil or crayon to use for drawing around the cup. Talk about the circle he drew. Help him find some other things with simple shapes to trace. He can trace around his hand or foot, or yours. He'll enjoy this. You're helping him use his hands and make pictures of objects, so he'll learn more about the ways things are different.

Remember: Play this or any game only as long as it is fun for both of you.

Books On Child Guidance

• Kids Can Cooperate: A Practical Guide to Teaching Problem Solving by E. Crary (Seattle, Wash.: Parenting Press), 1984.
• Raising Good Children from Birth Through the Teenage Years by T. Lickoma (New York: Bantam Books), 1985.
• A Very Practical Guide to Discipline with Young Children by G. Mitchell (New York: Telshare Publishing), 1982.
• Your Child's Self-Esteem: A Step by Step Guide for Raising Productive, Happy Children by D. Briggs (New York: Doubleday), 1975. .

Change The Way You Say Things To Relieve Stress.

Sometimes, angry feelings and stress are caused by the way people talk to each other. You can reduce your stress by changing the way you say things. That doesn't mean you should hold things inside -- just that you might say them differently.

Things we say to others often have the word "you" in them. For example: "You're always telling me how to care for my child!" If you give the same message with "I" in it, the other person might not get so irritated. An "I" message does not accuse the other person. You could try saying: "I feel like a child myself when someone tells me what to do,"or "I am doing my best." Try turning "you" messages into "I" messages. This may make your conversations less stressful.

TV and Children

Set guidelines now. We aren't sure of the effects of television viewing on very young children. However, research on older children suggests that:

• Children who are aggressive tend to watch a lot of violence on TV.
• Children are attracted to and influenced by television commercials. They may push parents to buy toys and food they see on TV. The foods may not be good for your child, since many advertised are high in sugar, fat and salt. Lots of television viewing may promote obesity and a lack of physical fitness.
• Children who watch a lot of TV use less imagination in their play and school activities than children who watch less.
• Very young children... Enjoy the catchy tunes and repeated phrases used in cartoons, children's shows and commercials. Don't understand the meaning of television programs. However, they may be developing a television habit that will keep them from doing other, healthier activities.

If your young child shows a great interest in television, then talking and listening may be important to him right now. Read to him, and talk with him about pictures in a book. Play some story tapes or records. Do these things in place of some of his television time.

Think about these questions when you decide how much television your child should watch:

• Do you know how many hours a day your child watches?
• Do you know which programs he watches, and what he's learning from them?
• Do you watch television with your child, and discuss what you are seeing? Doing this will help your child understand his world.
• Do you want your child to see violence on television? Violent situations are shown even in cartoons and music videos. They can be scary, and they teach your child to use violence.
• Does television keep you from reading, talking and playing with your child?
• Does it keep him from creative, active, or imaginative play?

Begin deciding now how much TV you want your child to see, and what programs you want him to watch. Try to limit TV viewing to 1 or 2 hours per day. Some families use a simple rule: "We never watch TV before noon." If you set some clear guidelines now, it will be easier to handle television later.

Guidance and Discipline

Avoid overusing "No!" The fewer times you say "no" to your toddler, the less she'll scream "no" back at you. Keep asking yourself: "How can I help my child do what I want her to do, without saying 'no'?" Life can be more pleasant for everyone with fewer "nos." Here are some ideas:

• Look for ways to set up routines and play spaces to reduce the need for "nos."
• Remove tempting dangers and breakables.
• Try to spend less time on activities that test your toddler's patience, or that might cause conflict. For example, long shopping trips seem to undo nearly all parents and their toddlers. Make these trips shorter, or find a way to shop alone.
• Tell and show your child what she should do, rather than saying "no." For example, say: "Pet the dog gently, like this." Instead of "Don't drag your coat," say: "Hold your coat over your shoulder like this."

Keep rules reasonable.

Your child is growing fast, but her ability to understand is still limited. She wants you to let her do things on her own -- and that's important for her learning. But she still may have accidents. She may break, drop or spill things. She can understand some rules, but not all. Give your toddler chances to practice independence. As part of their growing independence, toddlers can be defiant. You need to be firm but patient in enforcing rules. Look for safe and reasonable chances to let your toddler make her own decisions.

Play detective. If your child does something over and over that you have told her not to do, try to figure out why. Don't assume she's just trying to annoy you. Chances are, she's got her own very good reasons for doing what she's doing. See if you can help her get what she wants in a way that is OK with both of you. Sure, all this takes more time and patience and energy than saying "no." But in the long run, your child is likely to be happier and easier to live with.

Reproduced with the permission of CCSS National Network for Childcare

31 & 32 Months