Two Year Olds: 33 & 34 Months

Children love to learn about themselves as babies. This helps them feel important and special. A very nice thing you can do for your child -- and for you -- is to collect and organize reminders of these early years. You can use photos, birthday cards, certificates, and so forth to start a memory book or box. Add pictures your child draws, a piece of her favorite blanket, an outline of her hand or footprint, her holiday cards, newspapers published on her birthdays, notes from favorite relatives -- and anything else you and she want to save. Let your child know this is a special book you want to keep for both of you. Let her look at it only with you, so you can keep it from getting torn and dirty. All too soon, these early years pass. A memory book will help you and your child enjoy recalling these special years.

Being Strict and Being Loving

Many parents are afraid to be strict with their children. They worry that if they are strict, their children will love them less, and will feel less loved by them. This is simply not true. Children need to learn that their rights are important -- but no more important than the rights of others. Your toddler needs to learn this now, or she may become the kind of child who actually is less lovable. Good discipline is fair, sensitive and consistent, and is guided by the parents' love and desire to help the child grow. With this kind of discipline, the child will feel loved and valued. She will easily understand limits you set for her own safety -- like not playing with knives. She can also come to understand and accept limits set to keep her from bothering others, or breaking things.

Discipline as Guidance

All parents want to discipline their children in ways that will help them want to be cooperative and responsible. How can we do this? Theresa and Frank Caplan of the Princeton Center for Infancy and Early Childhood remind us that many years of research help us know what techniques work best. "Especially reassuring," the Caplans say, "is the fact that the experts are in agreement in many important areas concerning the nurturing of good mental health and a sense of responsibility in children. They view discipline as guidance that corrects, molds, strengthens, or perfects. "Discipline is something you do for and with your child, not to him."

Why does my daughter stutter?

My little girl is 33 months old, and uses a lot of words now. But I've noticed that when she is tense, she stutters. What can I do about this? Like all toddlers her age, your daughter is learning language fast. She is learning about 10 to 15 new words each week. But she may not be learning words as fast as she wants to use them. Your daughter wants people to understand her. But sometimes, she just doesn't know all the words she needs. This can cause her to stutter -- especially when she is upset or excited, or when someone tries to rush her. The best thing you can do to help your daughter stop stuttering is to be patient and relaxed with her. Don't rush her speech, or criticize her stuttering. It is not easy to learn to talk. If she keeps stuttering in spite of your patience and help, talk about it with her doctor.

Games For Growing

WHERE IS IT?

Help your child learn the words for positions like in, under, on top of, beside and behind. How to play Ask your child to move something to a different place. For example, using a ball and a basket, ask him to put the ball in the basket, or behind it, or under it, or on top of it. You can ask him to put his hat on his head, beside his head, under his foot, behind his back, and so forth. TAKE AWAY Help your child pay attention to detail and memory.

How to play
Put a few different things on the table or floor. Ask your child to close her eyes, while you take one thing away. Then, ask her to open her eyes and guess which one is missing. You can play the game at first using only two items. Later, to make the game harder, you may use more things. Let your child have a turn taking things away for you to guess which one is gone. Remember: Play this or any game only as long as it is fun for you and your child.

MATCHING PAIRS

Help your child learn how things can be alike or different.

How to play
Collect pairs of things that are the same, like two spoons, two bars of soap, two plates, two toothbrushes. Mix the sets up. Hold up one thing, and ask your child to pick another just like it. You can take a turn at guessing, too. To make the game harder, use a set of pairs of pictures, numbers, letters, or playing cards -- things that are more alike than exactly the same. Ask your child to match the one you hold up. As always, take turns leading, and stop before your child loses interest in the game.

Nutrition: Some Toddlers Don't Get Enough Iron.

Iron is a nutrient often low in toddlers' diets. Iron is a very important nutrient for healthy red blood and for energy. You can make sure your toddler is getting enough iron by giving foods that are good sources of iron. Vitamin C helps the body use iron -- especially iron from plant foods. So serve iron-rich foods along with orange juice, tomatoes, or other foods high in vitamin C. Look over the list of foods below, and ask yourself: "Does my child eat at least two or three of these foods every day?" If he doesn't, he may not be getting enough iron.

Foods with lots of iron: Meats, such as beef, pork and chicken Fish

Foods with some iron: Beans, such as kidney beans, pinto beans, red beans, great northern beans, black-eyed peas, navy beans, small white beans and lima beans Lentils and split peas Dried fruit, such as raisins, apricots and prunes -- Cut these into small pieces to prevent choking. Enriched macaroni, noodles and rice Highly fortified breads and cereals Whole wheat breads and whole grain cereals Broccoli and other dark-green vegetables, such as collard greens

Read food labels. As an infant, your child probably ate iron-fortified baby cereal. Now, he probably eats adult cereal. To find out if a cereal is high in iron, look for the nutrition label on the side of the box, and see how much iron each serving of cereal has. The amount of iron will be listed as a percent of the total amount a person should eat each day -- Daily Value. Choose cereals that have at least 10 percent of the recommended Daily Value for iron. Take your child to a doctor, tribal maternal-child specialist or clinic for regular checkups, to see if he is getting all the iron he needs. Important: Unless your doctor recommends it, do not give your child a vitamin-with-iron supplement. Keep adult vitamins with iron out of reach -- they can cause life-threatening poisoning if eaten by young children.

Testing Eyesight

Eye testing should be a part of every child's regular checkup. A vision test checks each eye's ability to see sharply. When a child is under 3 years of age, the doctor checks to be sure your child can follow an object moving from about 12 to 15 inches from her face to a few inches from her nose. The eyes are tested one at a time, by covering one eye and watching the other eye follow the tester's finger. At 3 years old, most children can learn how to take a formal vision screening test. The most common test is called the Snellen test. It uses a wall chart headed with a large letter E. Some wall charts use pictures of things children know. The child covers one eye at a time, and tells which way the E points, or names what she can see. Some toddlers have a "lazy eye," or "wandering eye." This problem can cause permanent loss of sight in the lazy eye -- unless it is found and treated early.

Contact your pediatrician or ophthalmologist right away if you notice: your child's eyes do not look straight; one pupil (the black opening in the center of the eye) is a different color; or your child does not seem to notice objects. Parents don't always notice vision problems in children. Children don't know when their eyes are not working the way they should, so they don't tell you. Your child's ability to see is essential for learning. You can give your child a head start for preschool and kindergarten if you make sure her eyesight is normal.

Is Aggression Normal in Children?

Yes and no. As toddlers, children begin to defend themselves when another child tries to take their toy. This is normal, and a sign of positive growth. It is important for children to learn to stand up for themselves. Between 2 1/2 and 4 years of age, the children who are most often aggressive also tend to be the most friendly and helpful. These children know how to play well with other children, even though they may fight at times. By age 5, though, things change. The children who are most aggressive are the least socially skilled. They may become outcasts. Research shows that aggression and crime during adolescence and adulthood often follow aggression during the school years.

So what changes between ages 3 and 5? The competent children learn how to get what they want without fighting. They learn to use words to say "I'm mad" and "Don't do that!" They learn to share, take turns, and solve their own problems. The children who do not learn these skills depend more and more upon aggression to get what they want. Children learn these skills from parents and child care teachers. You can help your child learn ways of standing up for himself without being physically aggressive. Tell him: "Don't hit. Use words. Tell Derrick you don't like it when he takes your tricycle." Ask the children: "How can you share the tricycle?" Show them a way, if they need help: "Let's let Jason use the trike until the timer goes off, then it will be Derrick's turn." This is a key age to start teaching children how to get along, and to get what they want without hurting others.

Helping Your Child Reduce Stress

As your child grows, he will have more and more situations that cause stress. It is not too early to help him learn to recognize and manage stress. Show your child how to relax by sitting quietly and paying attention to his breathing. Most children like to use their imagination. Help your toddler think about something calm and pleasant when he is tense -- soft rain, a sleeping kitten, a quiet meadow. Help him picture a place he really likes -- a park, a beach, a fish pond -- and tell him to think about that place. Suggest he can go to that place in his imagination when he is upset. By teaching your child to relax, you'll be giving him a skill that will help him all his life. Try some of these ideas yourself -- they work for everybody!

Look At Me!

Your child is still developing her own ideas about who she is. Give her a chance to see and talk about herself with this activity. The only materials you'll need are a sheet of paper as big as your child, and a crayon or marker. Butcher paper works well, and you can probably get a big piece from any butcher shop. Or cut open several paper grocery bags, and tape them together. Lay the paper on the floor, and ask your child to lie down on it. Now, use a crayon or marker to draw all around her from head to toe. Draw in between fingers and around ears -- get as much detail as you can! When you're done with the outline, you and your child can color it in. Name the body parts and clothing as you color them. Let your child look in a mirror so she can draw her eyes, nose and mouth into the picture. Don't be afraid to be imaginative! Green hair is OK! When your child's picture is finished, hang it up where everyone can admire it. You can repeat this activity every few months -- or at each birthday -- so you can see changes and talk about them: "See how much bigger you are getting," or "Your hair is getting longer," or "You're wearing a dress here."

Problem Solving Starts Early.

One of the most valuable skills we can have as adults is the ability to solve problems. Through training and experience, we have learned what is best to do when there is trouble, how to avoid problems, or how to fix something that needs to be fixed. Some people go through life better able to solve problems than others. Very young children are learning how to solve problems. Whether they learn to solve problems well or not so well depends largely on the help they get as toddlers. Every day, toddlers face problems and have a chance to practice solving them. For example, what if Jimmy and Julia are building block houses, but neither has enough blocks to finish? Dad could tell them how to solve their problem. But it is better if he helps them learn to figure out how to solve the problem themselves. To do this, he can say what he sees: "I see two children who both want to finish their houses, but neither one has enough blocks." Then, he can ask them for ideas on how they might solve the problem. The children learn that he expects them to be able to solve problems. He is also giving them a chance to practice problem solving. At first, he might need to help them come up with ideas. Later, they'll be able to do more problem solving on their own.

Homemade Toys That Teach

COSTUME BOX

This box of costume makings will help your toddler's imagination, creativity and pretend play.

Materials
Big cardboard box Cast-off clothing, hats, scarves, shawls, and so on

Playing
Your toddler will know what to do with this box of costumes -- he has lots of imagination! Help him play pretend by giving him ideas for people he can pretend to be. Suggest that he pretend to be characters you've read about in stories. He may ask you to guess who he is dressed up to be. Sometimes, he'll enjoy having you dress up and pretend with him.

Pretend Cooking

Toddlers love to pretend to do what they see adults doing. Make your child a pretend stove by drawing burners on the bottom of a large cardboard box. He will especially like to play cooking if you play with him. He'll take your orders for food, cook the food, hand it to you, and hope you enjoy eating it. An "almost-3-year-old" can help with real cooking, too. Let your child dump in the chocolate chips or flour when you bake cookies, or stir when you mix up pancake batter or scrambled eggs. He probably won't want to help for long. But cooking is a good way to learn how things look, smell and mix together. Remember: Always wash hands before and after cooking.

Good Books on Toddlers

• The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood by Selma Fraiberg (New York: Scribner), 1984.
• "Depression: You Don't Have To Feel This Way," Health Notes from Your Family Doctor, 1994.
• The Early Childhood Years: The Two to Six Year Old (New York: Bantam Books) 1983.

A 3-year-old's Birthday Party

Your child's third birthday is coming up, and you may be thinking about a party. Your child is old enough to like having friends over. How fancy should a 3-year-old's party be? The basic rule for a young child's birthday party is keep it simple. Children at this age can become overexcited at their own parties. Some people suggest inviting the same number of children as your child's age. Other parents combine a toddler party with a family party. If you do that, ask adults to help out -- give them jobs to do, like helping with a glitter-and-glue art project! It's hard to watch toddlers when you are talking to other adults. Plan a theme party. Party planning is easier when you have a theme. Talk to your child, and let her help you pick a theme and plan the games.

Here are some theme ideas for a 3-year-old's party:

• The alphabet -- or first letter of your child's name
• Teddy bear picnic
• Circus
• Rainbows
• Candy land
• Wild animal park
• Dress up

Plan invitations and games to go with your theme
"Pin the nose on the teddy bear," or "How many triangles (or rainbows, or zebras) can you find?" Pick games everyone can win. You don't need to give prizes for 3-year-olds. Plan 1 to 1 1/2 hours of games, songs, stories, or easy art projects, plus one-half hour for cake and presents. Be sure all activities can be easily supervised. Keep food simple and child-friendly. Take turns having quiet activities and active games like a candy hunt, balloon chase, or beanbag toss. Important: Throw out any pieces of broken balloon right away. Balloons are a dangerous choking hazard. Plan a quiet activity like modeling dough or a guessing game just before serving the cake and ice cream. This way, the children aren't overexcited when they eat. Remember to take pictures!

Party Favours
Small children don't always understand that presents are for the birthday child. You may want to have a small, inexpensive party favor wrapped for each child to open, or give out treat bags when your child opens presents. Finally, some children are overwhelmed by the whole thing. Most children get a little overexcited at their birthday parties! Try to keep your sense of humor if your child bursts into tears or hides in the closet. Remember: The party is for your child. Try to help her have a fun celebration.

Magic Closet

The magic closet -- or magic box or basket -- can be a place full of happy surprises for your child. This is where toys quietly go to rest. You can rotate your child's toys through the magic closet. You can bring out one thing at a time when your child is sick, bored on a rainy day -- or when you and she need something very special to do. Children like to rediscover old toys. A few new toys can be kept in the magic closet, too. Surprises are fun for everyone. You will enjoy seeing your child playing with her magic closet discoveries.

Be Good To Yourself

If your blues go on and on... Feeling "down in the dumps" once in a while is normal, especially for parents of young children. Everyone has days when they have some of these feelings:

• Sad or empty
• Crying easily or for no reason at all
• No interest in things you used to enjoy
• Worthless or guilty
• Slowed down, or so restless you can't sit still
• Tired all the time
• Sometimes, we have trouble thinking or making everyday decisions.
• Sometimes, we have sleep problems.

Most of the time, these feelings pass in a few days, and we start feeling better. If these symptoms go on and on, they may be signs of depression. Depression is a medical illness that affects many people. It is not caused by personal weakness, or lack of willpower. It seems to run in some families more than others. While it usually goes away on its own, early treatment may help keep the depression from getting worse, and may also prevent the depression from coming back later. If you have been having these feelings or symptoms every day for two weeks or longer, be sure to tell your doctor. This illness is treatable. In the meantime, avoid alcohol or other drugs, which make matters worse. Try to exercise. Exercise not only takes your mind off things, but also seems to cause a chemical reaction in the body to lift your mood.

Reproduced with the permission of CCSS National Network for Childcare

35 & 36 Months